http://www.funadvice.com/my/advice/sue90 Developmental Service Worker: specializing in children's behaviours, in home support worker, program co-ordinator for youth in school detentions. EA with Ontario school board. en-us Dear smithymcsmith, As people get older their opposite sex friendships are no longer just friendships this is fact. The fact you got upset was probably a gut feeling and you probably are right that he has feelings for her. So now you are experiencing the dilemma of more mature relationships. You really don't seem many couples who are tolerant of the opposite sex friends. You are at the age where you are caught in between the two types of relationships. I suggest since this is going to happen over and over until you end up with a slightly more mature female that you step back. Asking you to speak with him shows her lack of maturity in handling her own affairs and feelings. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:02:36 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/i_just_yelled_at_my_girfriend_s_best 414614 Dear nickieh, Let me guess he was the one to want to break up because you weren't physical enough...right. Ya, well what he was saying was I only want sex from you and I don't care for you enough to wait. Now tell me is that boyfriend material??? NO. Time to move on and find a boyfriend who respects you more. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:51:25 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_do_i_do_154 414602 Dear wab87, Well you would be telling him because you expect something to come of it...you need to be honest first with yourself. You want a relationship again with him and you know there will be no way to have just a friendship with him. This is part of growing up...making a decision, knowing the consequences and living with it. So you speak with him and he says, no I'm not into you anymore I just want to be friends. That would be a sentence worse than death and at that point you need to say goodbye and move on. Or he says ya, I feel the same way and we need to become a couple again...Yahoo...OR: well let's just see how it pans out...we will sleep together and we will spend some time together but that's all I can offer (your his bed buddy). So regardless of the out come you need to fess up to him about your feeling and decide how you are going to deal with the out come. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:49:08 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/should_i_tell_him_7800 414598 Dear danymarie, First of all print out what you wrote and let your mother read it. See where it goes from there. You cannot do anything, she is an adult and has been in many relationships. There is something keeping her in this one. She knows how to leave or kick him out but she isn't...there is a reason why. I would suggest you talk with an aunt or a close relative she respects and tell them your story and ask them to talk with her. Like I said there is a reason she is staying with him and not looking as she used to do. Do you think she could be depressed...has she let herself go, not eating, eating too much, showing no happiness etc. If this is the case get some info on depression and leave it where she can see it. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:40:40 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/family_chaos_i_would_like_an_adults 414531 Dear peace123, Well you are here asking this question so you know there is a problem with the way your boyfriend controls you...He has no right to tell you who to see and who you can't, he sneaks out seeing his friends...so it would appear you have also told him he can't see his girl-friends. Sounds like you both are suffering from control problems and you both need to step back and stop dating "anyone" till you both grow up a little. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 13:30:26 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/kind_of_a_controlling_boyfriend 414501 Dear fau, All I am reading is I didn't want to but he made me do it anyways...this is a very big red flag here. I don't care if you liked him for 2 or 200 years when someone says no it's no and he has no right to try to make you do anything. He was trying to use you and yes abuse you...I would suggest you don't associate with him again. You were right to trust your instincts and leave. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:55:23 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/i_think_i_might_be_in_to_deep_boy 414245 Dear fau, first of all you should not have friends that young, and you are having sex with her brother when you go to visit her? Is that what you are saying? If that is the case you need to stop going over there, and of course stop having 13 year old friends. Time to take stock in your life and figure out what you want for your future and what type of relationships you are looking for and lets hope those are one that are a bit more respectful. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:48:47 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/idk_what_to_do_3732 414177 Dear sujan, It's difficult when you live so far apart. But the most telling is that he said not to call him and he isn't working or in school? If he isn't working in his own country chances are he won't work in yours either. You should be able to call when you want unless he feels that you are going to call too many times (are you obsessed?). Things are not right in this relationship and you've added so much complication by being in different countries and perhaps having different cultures. Try stepping back for a while and get a clearer picture of this relationship. I suggest you talk with him and ask what he really has in mind for the future for himself...Keep your calls to once a week. Unless you can function as an independent person you can never function in a relationship. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 12:37:55 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_should_i_do_243663 414159 Dear sujan, Sleeping a lot would mean you wouldn't be getting out and moving around...it might make you pale from being unhealthy. Drinking milk would do nothing for your skin colour other then maybe giving you a healthy glow from being healthy. Milk/calcium is important for healthy growth. Are either directly connected to skin colour NO. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 06:26:06 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/sleeping_12817 411390 Dear kayleelovesjoejonas, You are not ready for dating...when you are comfortable being alone, can do things independently without someone else and have good confidence then you are ready to date. He does not respect you and you must never, ever be with someone who is disrespectful this leads to allowing abuse in other relationships. Tell him you don't want to date him anymore and start doing things independently to gain some strength before dating again. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 06:04:15 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/i_hav_boyfriend_trouble 411382 Dear debs523, I haven't heard of these many excuses for a long time...you have a bad marriage for 12 years and you are waiting for him to file??? What?...you file and move out. You have a job, that means a pay check. It's obvious you have no communication in your relationship or you would know why it isn't working, why he hasn't filed etc. For all you know he has another life and is happy but is afraid you may drain him financially in a divorce. It's time to grow up...tell him you are moving out, that you won't take him for a financial ride and that you wish him happiness and you move on with your life and start again. You aren't doing him or yourself any favours doing nothing. Get on with it. Life is short...we will love many in a life time that doesn't mean they all work. Time to move on. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:51:11 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/no_happy_anymore_want_to_have_an 411377 Dear jjcrzy18, If you do start seeing your father it must be in the company of others. You must never be alone with him. When it comes to this type of behaviour your father was sent to jail for he needs life long counselling. This is not something that can be cured or disappears with the help of a preacher. It is a dysfunction that needs to be controlled the rest of his life. So unless he is in counselling then he will not be any different and even in counselling his preferences will not change. Supervised visits with him is a must, he must never be alone with children EVER. You also need to seek out counselling to help cope and to be informed of the precautions you need to take and how to move on with your life. Your whole family is in need of counselling. This is not something that gets better or changes...but it's how you deal with it that changes. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:37:56 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/my_dad_32572 411373 Dear 12341234, Well...you dated a long time and you were somewhat comfortable and in habit with this relationship. This is why you still feel the loss and the jealousy. Very normal. Lets go step by step here: She might have someone new...yes she probably does. Some move on quicker than others...all relationships for her and you will be rebound for the first while. #2 He's ugly lol...your shallowness could have been a factor in this relationship. #3 you have already broken up and gotten back together...this is a red flag. When a relationship cannot handle ups and downs without breaking up it probably isn't going to work anyways. #4 She's out tanning and getting in shape...this is what females do, it helps with their egos. They will again feel desirable and she probably lost that in your relationship. So get over her and move on, it wasn't going to be a life long relationship to begin with. You will date and love many in your lifetime; learn some good coping skills now and learn from each relationship. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:32:10 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/my_ex_gf_110520 411371 Dear babybump, After reading these posts you need to consider going to children's services. It is clear you are not mature enough to handle your own life let a lone a child. It's a brave and caring mother who puts their child's welfare a head of "being right" Children services will help with the legal end of things; support and visitation schedules etc. They will help with parenting skills and money management. Like it was said sometimes trying your hardest isn't good enough when you have a child. You need help, you need to seek out the proper resources. You are not the only one who has gone through this and you won't be the last. There are many services there to help out and you need to find them. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:23:45 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/he_wants_to_take_my_son 411369 Dear fau, They are right...you cannot diagnose a 2 year old with ADHD and in fact without many tests including a MRI they cannot be diagnosed properly. The terrible 2s is really a fallacy. At the age 2 or so they begin to express their frustration with acting out and typically bitting. Many times it stems from a lack of consitancy...adults tend to say no and then change their mind, or say no and keep bickering. When an adult says no it should not be discussed, debated but said with a simple and understandable explanation while you are at the child's level. Children learn what they live and when your behaviour changes theirs will. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 05:04:22 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/terrible_2_s_or_adhd 411366 Dear lilpoofle, Many people may be uncomfortable with it because of their home teaching. The older people did/some still don't understand that your sexual preference is biological and is not a choice. Different preferences have been around since the beginning of time. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 04:51:05 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/gay_bisexual_whats_wrong 411364 Dear anac6978, Many places allow first cousin marriages...however, you are not allowed to have children. I am not sure where you got your research but children married into the same bloodline are at high risk for many disabilities. The common one is blindness and mental disabilities. Society frowns on these types of relationships and because you've kept it a secret you are aware of why. So it should be no surprise to you when people object especially if you bring children into the world knowing there could be many complications. We may love many people in our lifetime but that doesn't mean that we will live, marry and be happy with that person. Do yourself a favour and move on. If you are unable to seek out counselling. When you started this relationship you knew it was wrong or you wouldn't have hidden it...guess what it's still wrong and you still know it. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 04:45:35 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/ive_loved_my_cousin_for_4_years 411362 It goes way, way back much before Bowie...the original goes You remind me of a man, what man, the man with powers, what powers, the powers of voodoo, who do, you do, I do what, remind me of a man etc. I learned this when I was a very young girl. Sue sue90 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 04:37:30 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_is_the_name_of_the_song_that 411359 No, do not drink Efferdant...you will become ill. Sue sue90 Wed, 11 Jun 2008 13:30:16 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/thc_out_of_my_system 379965 Dear nestamar, Your story holds some questions for me...why did your child stay with your parents for 2 weeks? They only reported you when you left your child with them? Why would your mother make up lies? There is still too much that isn't being told. The bottom line is that they would not take your child from you without evidence...you see they are accountable to the law as well. You would have to prove your innocents in these cases...they always err on the side of caution for good reason. It you have nothing to hide allow a full investigation. Sue...good luck sue90 Mon, 09 Jun 2008 15:50:11 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/do_i_have_a_case_25144 377469 Just to clarify...it's true precum in itself does not contain sperm but most young males tend to ejaculate several times a day. In fact most to prolong their foreplay will masturbate prior to a sexual encounter so for these purposes we say it most likely will contain sperm. Sue sue90 Sat, 31 May 2008 15:28:25 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/could_i_be_pregnant_at_13 365953 Then the same thing applies...boy or girl...just adapt it to fit. Just so that you are aware, it happens more with males then females contrary to belief. So it's nothing out of the ordinary but something you need to be very cautious of. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 31 May 2008 07:00:07 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/older_men_16672 365585 Dear hxcbbygrl69, The best way is to sit down and discuss without fighting why you were fighting. Things just don't go away. You need to figure out why you are arguing and how to stop. It takes two to argue and the best gift to give anyone is to learn how to make things work. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 31 May 2008 06:17:45 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/what_to_do_to_make_it_up_to_my_boyfriend 365576 Dear xxcheeky08xx, Yes, you could be...precum contains sperm. If he ejaculated outside your vagina and since they like to swim it is possible that some has entered. You never engage in foreplay without using protection and condoms. You need to see your doctor for a talk on birth control and getting tested. Being so young and pregnant can cause problems you would not see with an older woman. Seek medical attention. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 31 May 2008 06:14:57 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/could_i_be_pregnant_at_13 365575 Dear 20callum0, No, it is not what we would perceive as normal. What you are feeling is for a father figure. This can be because of a few thing...one: your father has not been a big part of your life or two: your father is a very big part of your life. So the next question is what do you do about it...you do not follow through on these feelings. In fact if a man who is older does fancy an young girl this is called paedophilia and is a disorder that cannot be treated and is against all social and legal laws. An older man of 50 would never be interested in a younger person such as you unless he had this disorder. You are still too young to know what you "fancy" and you only do not fancy the ones you met but you will be meeting many more boys of different ages once you are in high school and college. So if you have a so called crush on a 50 year old it is not something you should pursue but see it as what we term a "school girls crush" It tells us you are not ready to date and become involved in a relationship just yet. Sue...good luck sue90 Sat, 31 May 2008 06:11:50 -0700 http://www.funadvice.com/q/older_men_16672 365573