What do you think of this poem?

Random Flower Asked by britz14 about 1 year ago, 9 answers.

This poem is a bit different to my usual style, it is a freewrite, where I let it flow. It almost doesn't seem like a poem to me, it is so unfamiliar. This is my first attempt at this type of poem. Can you give my your opinions on it? It is titled "Never...

Be"

I dream of a world where there is no hate,
A place I can escape,
A place to dream,
A place to give in to.
There is no danger,
Yet I feel uneasy.
This world does not seem real, somehow.
I am waiting for the mistrust that will never come,
The hate that will never arrive.
This world is good, pure, beautiful.
Filled with flowers, nature, and peace.
Then why do I feel so uneasy?
This world makes a sound,
A sickly sweet sound,
A sound of uneasiness in my opinion,
But why is it so uneasy?
Why, I ask?
Because this world cannot be real,
It is a dream, I will never feel comfortable.
I will never be.

Thanks for reading,
Britz.

Answered by rdtallboy25 on Nov 25, 2007, 05:41PM
| 98 answers.

I love it...really.

Answered by cooldued on Nov 25, 2007, 05:42PM
| 6 answers.

wow it is good and you can imagine it sounds perfect

Answered by wester_wildcats on Nov 25, 2007, 07:12PM
| 51 answers.

omg its beautiful

Answered by britz14 on Nov 25, 2007, 07:21PM
| 462 answers.
Advisor-small

Thankyou. Thankyou. I am glad to find support on this site.

Answered by canine3206 on Nov 25, 2007, 07:40PM
| 9 answers.

O.O I love it!

Answered by 0_koole123 on Nov 25, 2007, 08:25PM
| 59 answers.

U are so nice and you got a gift of writing I really wish you could end up being an author.Hey well you never no.
you are so nice
bye!

Answered by underwaterophelia on Nov 27, 2007, 04:43PM
| 1447 answers.
Advisor-small

I have to be honest with you, I'm not crazy about it.
I don't think it's terrible, but it needs some improvement. The problem with it is it's too obvious, and isn't very poetic at all.
What's more, it's very cliche.

Answered by britz14 on Nov 27, 2007, 11:30PM
| 462 answers.
Advisor-small

Thankyou, underwaterophelia, you are the first one that has given me critism. Once more, it was constructive! I am glad you have. It shows that I can recieve that. How exactly can I change it to improve it? I do not mean ANY offence to the other people who have answered, I am glad you answered. But any tiny little thing helps. Thankyou,
Britz

Answered by 0_koole123 on Dec 08, 2007, 10:38PM
| 59 answers.

well its great but I think it needs more sparkle words
Bye I love it still

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