Should I forgive betrayal?

I am not sure whose fault the ending of this relationship is? I have known my ex for 5 years ..the first 4 years we were only friends..I wanted it that way..I was to busy in college and couldnt handle any realtionships at the time pluse he was getting...

over a divorce that took place 4 years ago...he pursued me always in those 4 years...but I always wanted to remain friends..it is this year that we had a coming together..and he said I finally came around, and I did wholeheartedly...I loved this man..I live here in the sates and he was living overseas at this time..well he asked me to marry him..I accepted and we finally got engaged..as he were continuing this long distance engagement, Iwas becoming suspicious of his communication to me...so I decided to e-mail his sister in law, a woman that cant stand him, an e-mail explaning to her that I have suspicions about my fiancee and cant trust him and need to send some of his papers to her...he got pissed that I sent this e-mail, I badgered him if he was seeing or talking to anyone at this time...he sadi to me yes he was with 4 strippers..I hung up on him and didnt want anything to do with him...he flys to see me the next day ...he is at the lobby of my apartment begging for forgiveness and asks to see counselors...I accepted..then spent the next 5 months with him...but I never forgave him...I pushed him far away..his excuse was he wasnt sure if I ever was going to really move overseas with him , and didnt know for sure, even though we made plans and got engaged..so why am I hurting for a person like this??? he tried to make things right and has bought me tickets all around the world and has tried to tell me he will let me live a great lifestyle to just forgive him...he also has a friend (woman) that is married , they e-mail each other once in awhile..but her e-mails are always long and elaborate...she is married mind you..I asked him to stop,,but he refused saying I wanted to control who he spoke with..I dont know what to do!!! I am not sure whose fault this is, is it my fault because I ignored the fact that he wanted to be close with me years ago?? should I forgive him?? and why doesnt he want to give up this girl??

Here is the thing, I did try to forgive him and lived with him for 5 months, but it was so hard and came back to the states. HE comes to the sates again tot try to win me back during the holidays and made things worse...he turns everything around and tell everyone that I am an emotional ruins...so he looks innocent...I really dont know what to do ...I should of never tried to live with him and now the pain hurts so much...what to do?

Dear seirra,
I'm not sure what you are trying to do convince yourself you were right or he was right? The fact is you don't trust him, you don't believe him, he turns things around to blame you, you tried to mend things and it didn't work. What is left??? NOTHING. It's over girl and the pain is the pain of loss of a friend and lover and that hurts and that's normal. You tried your best and it just isn't going to work for either of you so move on. Time heals and do take the time to heal. If you are having a difficult time seek out a counsellor.
Sue...good luck

Wow...after reading everthing this is an emotional rollercoaster for you and him. I feel the rollercoaster is his fault....because he didn't keep his trust and was messing around with those strippers. I know how a woman can just feel if something is wrong eventhough the wrong may be many miles away....and you were right. I know you have strong feeling for him and he does for you...but there is a trust issue that I don't think he can give you 100% and I don't think he really trusts himself even if he wanted to. I just don't feel this would be a soild and good relationship for you to stay with. If you love him try going to counciling together but I think in the long run it will just tell you that you did your part again....and the blame will point to him. I say....leave and cry for awhile and I know another brighter door will open for you. What ever you decide I wish you good luck!

wow, it must be hard for the both of you....it seems like both of you like each other, since the both of you are trying to forgive. but it looks like there's a trust issue, it would be hard to fix, but if both of you are like crazy about each other, it's worth a shot, just tell him about the trust issue, and see how and if he responds.

it sounds like you love each other a lot but cant find a way to make it work between you. Obviously he cannot handle the long distance thing, so he is cheating on you but wants to keep you as well becos he doesnt want to risk breaking up with you and then you finding someone else and then he can never get you back.
you need to work out whether or not you are prepared in the furture to move with him, if not then he you need let each other go becos it simply wont work. But if you are I recommend councelling becos after his cheating with strippers none the less, if you want to stay with him and put up with his behaviour and learn to trust him again, if he can keep his d*ck in his pants from now on, then you need councelling, but honestly, if he cannot respect and cherish you enough to be faithful to you, then why do you want to even try? by the way id get myself tested for stds also. he has been with other women and then been with you!

YOU SAID IT AND ITS THE KEY WORDS (CANT TRUST) YOU NEED TO TRUST BEFORE EVEN THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE, HE CHEATED ONCE HE WILL AGAIN..