Should I cheat on my wife? why not if I won't get caught?

There is this woman at work. Ever since she started working there, all I can think about is her. She's not the most attractive woman in the world, but she has a unique beauty that shines every time I lay eyes on her.

Then I found out she's...

married, too, about a month ago. While I know that she is married, and she knows I'm married, I keep thinking that she is flirting with me. My wife has been a wonderful companion through several years, but even though she is the light of my life, this other woman keeps crossing my mind.

I know I'm not in love with her. I don't even know her that well. But every time we talk, there is an 'awkwardness' and I keep thinking that her wistful glances in my direction are tell tale signs of attractiion.

Never before did I think I would cheat on my wife. But this woman keeps haunting my thoughts. Running through my mind. Her voice, soft, sweet, and her smile fairly shines.

My wife is very trusting, and wouldn't believe that I would cheat on her. For some reason, I believe she expects it of me. I work late, and so does this woman. For some time, I have been thinking that I should try to get her email or something, and then arrange to leave work a "on time" and then go some place to talk.

I'm not even sure she would, but I keep thinking about her. Should I do something? Drop her a note, let her know I've been thinking about her?

What if my wife and I weren't meant for each other? And that this is what I'm supposed to do? I know, it's a terrible thing. But if I feel this way, about a stranger, then perhaps my love for my wife isn't "real"...

any thoughts greatly appreciated. I've never pictured myself in this situation before, so I find myself, for once in my life, a bit lost on what I should do, or not do.

Thoughts like this are quite common among most married guys AFAIK. However, if it is mostly based on a sexual attraction IT IS NOT WORTH IT. If it is on a deeper more intellectual level, first consider whether you could work more on your existing relationship. Don't question your current relationship too much just because your hormones are playing you tricks. 30 minutes of sweaty intercourse with " a new exciting partner" has a lot less value than a deep long-term relationship has. Trust me.

Just because "you could" doesn't mean "you should".
SO good luck taming your hormones.

Regards,
A fellow married man

You are a moron. want to go treat your wife like dirt, know that you are doing wrong, and you ask about it in public? What kind of @#$@# wad does that?

Sheesh. Listen up, man, I'll say this 1 time and 1 time only.

Don't cheat on your wife, get a divorce or tell her that you don't think it's working.

This 'fantasy' you have concocted, about the woman at work liking you, is just that a fantasy.

Even if she *is* attracted to you, do the right thing and talk to your wife.

If you got married, and love her, then what happened with your relationship to your wife?

Why do you suddenly think that this other woman would be a good thing for you to have, even if you could have her?

Sure, there are woman that are attractive out there, even if you are married, but if you really *loved* the woman that you married, then you owe it to her & yourself to figure out first what's really going on with that relationship.

Of course, it's a whole different story if your wife is OK with it...that'a different topic altogether though *grin*.

The short answer is 'no,' but you knew that already, didn't you? Here's the question you should be asking yourself. Do you want to leave your wife right now in order to pursue this 'office relationship.' I suspect that your answer would be 'no.' Then do not go down the road that could ultimately break your marriage.

You might believe she will never find out. Perhaps not. But you will know and it Will change YOU. You will become a person who cannot be trusted and like most people who cannot be trusted you will begin to wonder about the trustworthiness of other people (like your wife).

But chances are better that she will fine out. It's hard to keep these kind of secrets in an office. She'll know and you'll know. Other's might see the way you look at each other and suspect. She might tell a co-worker...and eventually it would get back to your wife. And she'll be gutted. Really, really hurt. And you'll feel bad not only for the affair, but for how badly your wife is hurting. And the relationship with her will be forever changed, forever gone, in that instant. Yes, she might forgive you. But that 1st trusting-love-for-you will be gone. And you'll miss it.

You ask, "What if this is what I'm supposed to do?" Going outside your marriage vows is never something you are supposed to do. You know the old adage, "The grass always looks leaner?: (Or the office woman's butt looks leaner?" It's a mirage.

It's not bad or wrong to feel this way. But it IS wrong to act on it. Take these heady "I have a crush" feeling and transfer them to your wife. If you can't do this, seek a counselor.

Don't hurt yourself and reward a good wife with bad behavior.

Kua2u

DON'T DO IT. (encourage the supposed attraction). This is from someone who has been there. I was married for 25+ years to someone who always was faithful and treating me fine. Then something started at work like what you are describing. What you think you see in this attractive woman as her possibly feeling the same way is probably true. I got caught up in the excitement of a new relationship and cheated on my husband behind his back. This other person and I would usually meet after work and "fell in love with each other". Well, as time went by the bottom fell out of my new-found relationship. His wife worked at the same workplace but on a different shift and in a different department. My "new love" was fired from his job, his wife knew he was seeing someone else, my husband found out about him, and two families were changed forever. A total of seven children were affected from our selfishness. His marriage was destroyed and mine went through a very difficult, traumatic time. You never know before-hand how things will turn out. They never turn out the way you think. All it amounts to is pain, pain, pain. For EVERYONE. It is a real shame that I had to learn the hard way that there is a real preciousness about remaining faithful in a marriage. I hope my advice will spare you from the same devistation. IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!

Most people around have the same opinion and give the same advice: "Avoid it as much as you can!"

I share that opinion. However, sometimes the attraction is almost unbearable and in that case the following words may help.

If the flesh results weak, if the occasion plainly occurs, if you can't or don't feel like restraining,... Remember to proceed with dignity:
1) Make the encounter enjoyable for yourself and for the other one.
2) Don't be 'cheap'. That is, pay for a decent diner, night out, hotel room, etc.. should you need one.
3) Do it so that you can still feel good about yourself afterward. Many of us cheat. It's not a "good thing" but neither is it the end of the world.
4) Afterward, don't go out and look for other occasion. If you do you probably were not really interested in good advice but merely in good excuses.
5) Your wife probably doesn't want to know. Even when you're in an "open" relationship. So don't tell her.
6) Remain fair to your wife. Respect her should the same thing happen to her.
7) Remember and cherish the warmth you felt.

Your story sounds understanding...but being a women, I feel as if your need is only based on attraction. What if you do go out with her, and something more than just "talking" happens? I believe that you may just be sexually attracted to her? Do you even know if she has a wonderul personality, or if she's a great person to be around? If you don't...then do you want to risk finding out? Are you in this for the SEXUAL interest, or GETTING TO KNOW HER?? What does your she have that your wife doesn't? It sounds like attraction!

If you need to ask "should I cheat" you don't deserve the girl you have. The girl at work is not attracted to you, you just think she is because you want to F___ her. Whack off in the shower and buy your wife some flowers for no good reason.

What is wrong with you? Have you ever been in this guys shoes? If not, I can understand why, anyone who would give crappy advice like that couldn't possibly have anyone but their mother love them.

Here's what I think- You and your wife have been married a long time. I have been with my husband for ten years now. You know each other..too well. It's so predicatable that you can hardly stand it. This other woman, she is unknown, exciting, stirs feelings inside you that you thought were in a coma. The thrill of it all. The fantasies, what you would do if this or that happened. It's exciting, it makes you feel young. REALITY- you are both married. If you do this you SHOULD have tremendous guilt. Once you have done it, you may regret it. You'll want a clean conscience and you will end up telling your wife. How will she feel? Like she can never trust anyone in her life. The man that she has loved for "x" amount of years has betrayed her. She will look at the world with scorn and hatred. You could lose all that you have now in a messy divorce- and the children...what will they think? All for what, really?

I agree with you 100% Who says women aren't smart!! you go girl!

Retrogret...if you respect your wife...you don't get a nice hotel room, or dinner or anything with another person. It's not the end of the world? Damn close to it. You should say out of the Holiday Inns....there is life out there. Get your own man.

ok for starters, you must be in a very bad situation. but just think about it. this woman is married, if she feels anything than let her come to you. but you know what this is wrong anyway, it seems just like a little well shoudl I say big crush, seriously one night/afternoon or whatever of passion with this woman you could detroy your marriage and trust you have with your wife. is it worth it?? I think not, but its up to you.

Man check this out, I Understand I mean your a man, it's ok to have a sexual attraction to another woman. Woman act like they don't look at other men or even think about other men, trust me they do. So I'm not saying do it but hey if you do just don't admit to it, make your wife prove you did it, and then if you do get caught oh well there are other fish in the sea.

Lets consider one thing, say that you are "in love" with this women. Your second love will never compare to your first love. The second girl is only but a "replacement" no matter how you look at it. This struggle your going through is an everyday struggle for every man. But remember, any man can get a girl and stick his dic* in her. But it takes a real man to love his wife. You made a committment, that committment means waking up everyday to new and old challenges. The lowest people on earth are the ones who break committments, they are rats, dirt..

eventualy she will find out

you are willing to end two good relationships becuase you and your wife arent f.u.c.k....ing anymore

first how long have you been wit your wife and second how long have you known this other women and if you really love your wife you wouuld try to find another job and forget about this other women cause men that cheat will never find true love cause your not think about any one else besides your self so dont cheat on your wife cause you would have never married her if you dint have a companion with her so leave the other lady alone and forget about her smile and her yes and lips and every thing else it is not worth losing a nice ladyes love for sum hoe cause that is how I see thid other girl if she was to cheat on her husband with you and if you and her was to hook up what makes you think she wont cheat on you with sum otha man cause she likes him so look at what your losing before you do any thing stupid

good luck

I am in the same situation right now, I actually went back to her(the other woman's) house, but then I didnt do anything but gave her a kiss goodbye cause my guilt caught up to me before I actually did the deed. Now techinically I cheated by kissing her 1 time, but I feel that is a lot less to live with than actually bangin this chick.

Its hard this woman is super hot, I mean super hot, but this was purely sexual for me, but I didnt want to risk everything for a one or even ten or twenty nights of hot amazing sex.

Plus I am only engaged, not married just yet

You're not entitled to pursue a relationship just because you are attracted to someone. You made a commitment to someone, and the question is do you have the integrity and self-control to come through for your wife? Love is a decision that you made long ago, and you are in the process of consciously choosing to destroy someone's trust and life. This isn't about what YOU should do, or what YOU feel like.... it's about what you are choosing to do TO YOUR WIFE... someone you chose to love and spend the rest of your life with. What does that say about you as a person if you are willing to do that to the one person you love more than anyone in the world? Not very much.

You will know the answer by putting yourself in your wife' shoes...

how would you feel if your wife was doin that 2 u