What if my best friend hates me because I'm a cutter?

My Best friend hates me cause im a cutter what should I do? hes a guy and I tried to kill myself about a 3 weeks ago adn I cut myself extra bad and he hates me real bad and he wont talk to me now and hes all sarcastic and he says im impulsive and cant...

control myself. the fact is im a cutter and I like cuttin. I could stop if I wanted but I dont want to cause I want to feel pain cause I like it

I can tell you have a very low self esteem. Why do you want to deface your body. ?? You need to talk so someone. Minister, school counselor an older lady. You say you cut yourself because you like pain. There are other safer things to do that cause pain. Jum[ off a curb and sprain your ankle, that causes pain, bump your head, that causes pain. Please, please get some help. I don't think your boyfriend hates you, I believe he is scared for you! God loves you and I believe everyone on this site loves you also.

A lot of cutters have found this article helpful: http://www.kidshealt...

If you've been cutting and you want to stop, here are some approaches that might help you.

For people who cut, doing something different may be a big change. Making this change can take time because you are learning new ways of dealing with the things that led you to cut. The tips you'll see below can get you started. But a therapist or counselor can do more to help you heal old hurt and use your strengths to cope with life's struggles.

Start by being aware of which situations are likely to trigger your urge to cut. Make a commitment that this time you will not follow the urge, but will do something else instead.

Then make a plan for what you will do instead of cutting when you feel this urge.

Below are some tips you can try when you feel the urge to cut. We've put them into several categories because different people cut for different reasons. So certain techniques will work better for some people than others.

Look through all the tips and try the ones that you think might work for you. You may need to experiment because not all of these ideas will work for everyone. For example, some readers have told us that snapping a rubber band works for them as a substitute for cutting but others say that the rubber band triggers an urge to snap it too hard and they end up hurting themselves.

If one tip isn't right for you, that's OK. Use your creativity to find a better idea. Or talk with your therapist to get other ideas on what could work for you. The idea is to find a substitute for cutting — something that satisfies a need you might feel without being as harmful as cutting.

You may also find that one of these ideas works for you sometimes but not always. That's OK too. What a person needs can vary from time to time and from situation to situation.

Following the techniques listed below will help you think about why you might cut. The more you learn about what's underneath your cutting behavior, the better you will be able to understand and develop healthy ways to heal that pain.

Things That Might Distract You

Like all urges, the urge to cut will pass if you wait it out. Distracting yourself with something else helps time go by and gets your mind off the urge to cut. The more you wait out the urge without giving in, the more your urges will decrease over time.

Here are some things you can try while waiting for a cutting urge to pass:

* call a friend and talk about something completely different
* take a shower (make sure you don't have razors in the shower)
* go for a walk or run, take a bike ride, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise
* play with a pet
* watch TV (change the channel if the show gets upsetting or features cutting)
* drink a glass of water

Things That Might Soothe and Calm You

Sometimes people cut because they're agitated or angry — even though they may not recognize that feeling. If that's true for you, it can help to do something calming when you feel the need to cut.

Even if you're not sure why you're cutting, it's worth giving these ideas a try:

* play with a pet
* take a shower (make sure you don't have razors in the shower)
* take a bath (make sure you don't have razors near the tub)
* listen to soothing music that will shift your mood
* try a breathing exercise
* try some relaxing yoga exercises

Things That Might Help You Express the Pain and Deep Emotion

Some people cut because the emotions that they feel seem way too powerful and painful to handle. Often, it may be hard for them to recognize these emotions for what they are — like anger, sadness, or other feelings. Here are some alternatives to cutting that you can try:

* draw or scribble designs on paper using a red pen or paint on white paper — if it helps, make the paint drip
* write out your hurt, anger, or pain using a pen and paper
* draw the pain
* compose songs or poetry to express what you're feeling
* listen to music that talks about how you feel

Things That Might Help Release Physical Tension and Distress

Sometimes, doing things that express anger or release tension can help a person gradually move away from cutting. Try these ideas:

* go for a walk or run, ride a bike, dance like crazy, or get some other form of exercise
* rip up some paper
* write out your hurt, anger, or pain using a pen and paper
* scribble on paper using a red pen
* squeeze, knead, or smoosh a stress ball, handful of clay, or Play-Doh

Things That Might Help You Feel Supported and Connected

If you cut because you feel alone, misunderstood, unloved, or disconnected, these ideas may help:

* call a friend
* play with a pet
* make a cup of tea, some warm milk, or cocoa
* try some yoga exercises that help you feel grounded, such as triangle pose
* try a breathing exercise like the one in the button above
* curl up on your bed in a soft, cozy blanket

Things That Are Substitutes for the Cutting Sensation

You'll notice that all the tips in the lists above have nothing to do with the cutting sensation. When you have the idea to self-injure, start by trying the ideas on those lists — such as making art, walking your dog, or going for run.

If they don't help, move on to the substitute behaviors shown below.

These substitute behaviors won't work for everyone. They also don't help people get in touch with why they are cutting. What they do is provide immediate relief in a way that doesn't involve cutting, and therefore holds less risk of harm.

* rub an ice cube on your skin instead of cutting it
* wear a rubber band around your wrist and snap it gently against your skin
* draw on the skin with a soft-tipped red pen in the place you might usually cut

Cutting can be a difficult pattern to break. But it is possible. If you want help overcoming a self-injury habit and you're having trouble finding anything that works for you, talk with a therapist. Getting professional help to overcome the problem doesn't mean that someone is weak or crazy. Therapists and counselors are trained to help people discover inner strengths that help them heal. These inner strengths can then be used to cope with life's problems in a healthy way.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: February 2006

Hes not your true friend if he is mad at you that you cut. End of story.

hes not your friend if he hates you cause your a cutter my boy friend was worried when he found out and asked me stuff... but still hes not a real friend

uh... ure friend is cruel to cast you out like that, he probebly isnt realy a good friend. I cut myself to, so if you ever need to talk im here. but I understand you a little, I like the pain, I feel like I did something bad and I need to be punished. I also love the feel of relief as phyico as that sounds. hehe
xx
aryn

Yes I like the pain too my friends always tell me not to cut myself.But I still do it when I feel the pain it relives me from what got me to the mood I was in.About a month ago my ex boyfriend stoped talking to me because I wrote his name on my hand. So he saw the cuts and he said that he was going to to stop talking to me because it was all his fault I had cut his name on my hand.The only way I was to get over it was by cutting myself yes I love the pain!!!

my beat friend cuts herself and when she told me I was concerned but after I made sure that she wasnt going to kill herself I was ok.
this guy is probly just resentful that you tried to kill yourself id be truamatizing he wouldnt want to feel the anexietey and concern. truthfully he dosent want you to be hurt and niether do I. please consider stopping for me the stranger and him the friend

Well I ahve been in a situation quite like yours. I'm not going to say I understand cause I don't. I'm not you and no one else on the website is. But I will put my thought into this, love.

Your friend doesn't hate you, he is probably scared for you and shocked. The thought of you hurting yourself has left him in confusion. He can't think of any other way to react. You can either try talking to him, and if that doesn't help maybe time will.

However, if he does in fact hate you for your actions, then we know he is not a true friend.

If you need any help about your cutting I'm always here.
goodluck<3

If you friends leave you when your cutting they dont deserve you when your not cutting. My best friend stuck with me through it all. Now its summer and we live 30 miles away from each other because we both live in the country, she still knows im cutting. I dont have to tell her but she knows. I didnt cut for a while but im doing it again. Im need her more than ever adn she is here for me. If I was you, I would find someone who really cares about me. Good Luck and if you ever need a friend, just email me. ill always help

yea I know what your going thru, I had the same problem, worried what my friend might think and whether or not she would understand and with no doubt in her mind she understood, and helped me the best way anyone could, and if this person is a true friend they wont be upset with you for making a choice like that, no its not the best choice, but im not going to sit here and be all preachy and try to talk to out of it, because I know it doesnt work, but yea if they;re a true friend, it shouldnt matter, they should want to help you in the best way possible, no matter what you decide to do, a best friend is there no matter what...and im not going to tell you to go get help if your not ready for it because I know what thats like too and its not fun, only made my want to do it more, be forced to get help, yea it sucked...but I hope everything works out for you, and good luck, hope you do realize its not a way out...I thought it was but I ended up hurting too many people but its your life, live it how you want to...take care...