How do I know if my husband having an affair?

We have been together for 5 years and have a 2 year old girl. We haven't have sex for 1-2 years already - isn't that amazing? Well, not as often as I like to. During the weekends, he would be out with his friends the whole day, leaving us both at home....

Last week, I discovered a text message on his cellphone from his colleague - female colleague. asking him if he slept well. Isn't that too an intimate question for a colleague to ask? I confronted him and he denied it. He said I was making a big hoohaa out of nothing. He even said that he was flattered that I would think he was having an affair - is he trying to conceal it? If he is having, I want to have one too. How could I get it out of him? Private Investigator is too expensive, I cannot afford it. What should I do from here?

metal head I do agree somewhat with your statement but you are way too one sided...think of the other side too, he could have told his colege he wasn't feeling good...so she was asking if he had a good sleep...or he could have had a conversation with that colege and a couple others and he didn't want to admit he didn't have sex for a very long time...so he might have said that you were going to do something with him that night... its not good to jump to conclusions but its not a bad thing to be a little suspicious...you dont want to be niave.

ok so there is the possible 'other' side... remember jumping to conclusions can have a bad effect...like say he didn't have an affair and you 2 end up splitting up because of all the blaming..so just be careful with the decisions you make...think long and hard about the outcomes of what you do

How about marraige counciling. You think retaliation will repair your relationship if he DID have an affair?

well for one thing a private investigator is a little over the top and stalkerish.
lol.
but yeah get some marriage counceling.

He is having one there is no doubt about it there are 2 factors that already prove he is.

1. You havent had sex with him in 1-2 years. That is a VERY VERY long time to not have any sex I mean I'm supposing you did at some point but to never do it at all for those long years. That is a very long time that means he doesnt want you and he is out looking for something else.

2. That text message: "Did you sleep well"??? ...he's denying that is hilarious. Did you sleep well means the girl is asking him did you sleep well from last night because we had some amazing wild sex. This guy is caught red handed.

If I were you I would leave him and go and have sex with whoever you want.

You shouldn't cheat on someone just because they cheat on you. If you really can see yourself with someone else, at least divorce him first and then go with someone else. Don't be a hore. Think about how your kids will see you.

girl wht were you doing for 1-2 years sleepin or meditating ? firstly dont jump to conclusions yeah get some proof ( I mean some real good proof) and speak with him ask him what he wants .Tell him your feeling that the marriage is going nowhere and finally settle for a divorce I mean there is no use holding onto something that isnt there .
And oh by the way by you being revengeful and wanting to have an affair its not going to solve the matter and you have kids in question so remem kids follow their parents footsteps . Get divorced and look for someone that would appreciate you and love you for what you r ? I say talk to him about it and ask if is it something your doing wrong. Men generally tend to look out if they are not satisfied at home or if their wives nag too much . Hope you dont fit either category. Though lemme tell you some men even if they have everything at home they still look out . MEN WILL ALWAZ BE MEN . All the men out there no offence.lol. some women do the same

thanks all, I think this is what I want to hear. my thoughts have becoming more and more dark with each passing day/ hour. I really need to know that there are more than just one side of the matter.

Dear pennyofmytots,
First of all you both need to be in counselling. It isn't amazing, normal or good to be in a relationship were there is not intimacy, trust and thoughts of affairs and private investigators. Why are you settling for this? Why is he? You both have many issues to discuss and you have listed only the side effects of the real problem not the problem itself. You both deserve much more out of life and your daughter deserves to be in a home that is happy...if you can't do this for yourself do it for your child.
Sue...good luck