Is my boyfriend controlling or am I?

My boyfriend has me very confused in our relationship, I can never tell what he is thinking. He tells me how he loves me very much and wants to spend the rest of his life with me. I love him to... but I dont think I love how he acts sometimes. He gets...

mad at me over nothing and always seems mad, if I ask what is wrong he acts even more mad. He takes to out to nice places and spends a lot of time with me, and at the end of the night no matter if it goes well or not he will want to have sex with me, if I say no I dont want to he will continue to try to get on me and no matter how many times I say I dont want to he still trys and trys. Eventually I will start to cry because I cant believe what he is doing, I mean I thought that if he loved me he would listen and stop. but he gets mad and drives me home real fast like a psycho. It really makes me feel like a peice of crap, because he will find any reason to get mad at me (I think it is to cover up him being mad about not getting any) and start a fight about it. He trys to say that I think everything is about me and whatever I say goes. I cant remember any time I made him do something, thats not the kind of person I am. He also was okay with a lot of things when we first started dating like how I dressed, who I hung around with, who I talked to, what I did. But now he would never let me wear a skirt and dont really like it when I wear a low cut shirt or a cute tank top, he thinks I am trying to impress other guys when I just like to dress nice. He does not like it at all for me to go to a party where theres guys (If there was such thing as an all girl party, I think the only all girl parties are sleepovers and I am not 10 years old) but I guess he doesnt see that. I can not to to any of my friends that are guys with him knowing because he thinks I will like them. It is just really boring with us sometimes we dont really have conversations and I am definetly a person who likes to talk. He really hates questions, and gets very annoyed of mine. But how do you start a conversation without a question? I need help. All my friends hate him and he hates them too. He barely has any of his own friends left because he talks bad about all of them. What should I do? And if I should break up with him how could I what would I say? When I try to he just says hes sorry and makes me want to stay with him and it doesnt help that my family loves him very much.

Hey!

I can totally relate to this it sounds like I wrote it!.. I have no clue what to do with my relationship right now.. if you want to call it that.. I was just wondering what did you do?.. maybe you can help!.. please?

email me!
Fun mail me

hi, I have the same problem it's like sometimes he loves and sometimes he doesn't. you say you love him so I don't think you should break up with him quite yet just talk to him about how you feel if he gets angry and starts being mean be mean right back do anything you have to but make sure he knows how you feel. if you don't want to have sex with him then don't if he tries to force you then maybe he doesn't feel as strongly about you as he claims to feel. if he doesn't care what you have to say then yes I think your better off without him. tell him he isn't giving you the love and support you need. but it's up to you just think at the time he may be sweet but what does he act like when that moment is over?

Honey,

Let me give you a little advice, drop him! He only controls you because he knows he can and that you aren't going to do anything about it. If you don't like the way he treats you, refuse to be with him. I know this may sound a little harsh but he's acting in a way that abusive spouses act. Really, I htink the only reason he hasn't been physically abusive yet to you is because most abusive people wait until they have there partner for sure, so they usually wait until they're married, then a couple weeks into the marriage the beatings start. Just be smart and think about ya'lls relationship logically for a second. You don't like the way he acts now as it is, so trust me when I say this, for the most part people don't change, a lot of times they get worse but very rarely do they get better. Think about it you have noticed it so far, ya'lls relationship has increasingly gotten worse, it's a pattern, it's not going to change. He's going to be good for a bit, you'll be happy for like 5 minutes, he's going to be an ass and treat you like a prostitute, you're going to get upset, he's going to get pissed and act like pshyco, your going to attempt to break up with him, he's going to cry (or something), you're going to take him back. Do you see the circle? It's a pattern. Some big advice I cant stress enough is for you to listen to your friends; they're not getting anything out of their relationship with you other than getting to see you happy; they dont get sex, they dont get money, and they dont get fame. So, please always listen to them (unless you have reason to not trust them, but then why would they be your friends?) they have your best interest at heart. For concern of best interests, your boyfriend has his pen*s where you should be. So please show him the door; it will hurt for a little while, but you'll find someone new. Just be sure that you dont fall into the pattern again; which means dont let your boyfriend push you around (or anyone for that matter). The way I always judge wether or not to drop a relationship of mine is if the preson isn't helping me advance emotionally, then they're gone. Which means if the majority of times when you see or talk to this person you are upset/irritated/angry or just not in a state of at least peace, it's time to let them go! Good Luck!

Love Always,
dallasmn

"He also was okay with a lot of things when we first started dating like how I dressed, who I hung around with, who I talked to, what I did. But now he would never let me wear a skirt and dont really like it when I wear a low cut shirt or a cute tank top, he thinks I am trying to impress other guys when I just like to dress nice." "I can not to to any of my friends that are guys with him knowing because he thinks I will like them." "All my friends hate him and he hates them too. He barely has any of his own friends left because he talks bad about all of them."

I am having the same exact problem. if you havent heard already, your boyfriend IS controlling you. you are in an abusive relationship. yes 1 way out is to dump him, but another way is to talk to him or suggest a counselor. if your boyfriend is anything like mine, he will continue the dating violence cycle. look it up sometime, its very interesting. now my advice to you is to keep your friendships. he WILL try to get you friendless so that he can have complete control over you. you will hear this a lot, infact, I hear this a lot... but it might not work out dumping him. yeah you will feel better after, but if you are attached to him right now (emotionaly), you might find yourself hurt in the long run. I really hope I helped.

I think you are better off without him. I too have been in a controlling relationship for 2 years. I used to think that I was to blame for his moody behaviour and I appologised continuously just to keep the peace. I broke up with him the other day because I realised that I deserved better. Your situation sounds very similar to my own and I know it's never easy to tell the other person how you feel, cause you want to make it work. What your boyfriend is doing is bullying - getting on top of you when you don't want it etc. I have been in that position and I gave in to him. Looking back, I was weak and didn't like confrontation. At only 18, my friends and family repeatedly told me that the relationship was unhealthy. They said I was too young to stay with a guy just for the sake of having a boyfriend. Love is blind, but you deserve to be treated with respect and do your own thing when you want to. It's taken me a while to see the light and now I have, I feel free.

wow, I cant relate to that like no other.. it does sound like I just got done writing that myself.. well see im going through the same thing right now, my boyfriend does that same thing he is always all over me.. we cant just lay in bed without him wanting it and he keeps trying to get it no matter how many times I say I dont want to then he pulls that well we only do itwhen you want to thats not fair.. and im like ok go for it ill just lay here then he gets mad at that too.. so its like you can never win right.. everything is always your fault and everything is always your way or has to be done your way is what they make it seem like but in reality its always his way.. and then he always says that its always his fault.. right this sounds familiar huh.. well I dont know what to do either.. he gets mad at me for no reason.. he gets mad at me if I dont leave my house to come over at a certain time.. he gets mad if I talk to guys or what to go out with guy friends but its ok for him to go to a party where there is a bunch of girls and then his friend comes up to me the next day and says that he saw him with another girl go upstairs.. yea what is tha crap right.. well I dont know what to do so if you have any advice let me know too ok.. good luck with your problems and girls stay stong dont let these guys walk all over you,, now only if I could take my own advice.. I try to break up wtih him but he always suckers me back in to the relationship.. its a never ending process

sweetheart he IS controlling!! anyone who REALLY loves you only wants what is best for you and wants to give you the world not take it from you. they are proud that you look good and that people see this beautiful person that is with them not worried that you will leave everytime someone looks at you,he works for you not sets home on his butt and let you do it all,he understands that you still love him even when you don't want to have sex every night.he want to get to know who you are and what your dreams are I think one thing that a person should look for first thing is if he has any dreams or goals because if not they don't feel they have a purpose there for you are the only good thing they feel they have.and they don't want to loose the only good thing that has happened to them usually they go for the sweet girl that they feel understands them like no one else does then you feel obligated to stay out of pity or that you feel sorry for them because you are all they have.and that takes life from you in that scence he is draining your life just remember God did not send you to be his savior he sent his son jesus christ I am not a jesus freak and I hope you don't take this that way but I really do feel if the world would take the time to get to know the pleasures that God has for you, you will have a much happier life not saying you won't have problems but you can learn to understand that sometimes unanswered prayers were for a reason that will bring you joy later in your life patience is the key,may God Bless and keep you

girl I know exactly how you feel I love my boyfriend to death and most of the time I think he loves me too but whenever we are in a fight its my fault and if I try to explain to him that its not my fault he just gets more mad and he says its always about me even his bestfriend tells me that its not my fault and when we are fighting if I start crying he gets even more mad and tells me im crazy and to get the fu*k out of his house and for some reason I beg him not to be mad and to let me stay even though I know I didnt do anything and I dunno why I do it I know I can do better but I ust love him so much and when I try to break up with him he crys or tells me im not allowed to break up with him but if he breaks up with me I have to let him he has gotten very aggressive lately he has never hit me but he will scweez my wrists and wont let me go and yell and I just dunno what to do b/c this stuff happens over nuthing it happened this weekend over me asking him to pay a lil bit of attention to me because we were hanging out with his friends and he hadnt talked to me in 30 minutes I need to know is it me am I really the problem? b/c he says he wants to make it work but then doesnt act like it help me please im so confused

your boyfriend is jealous and controlling and you should leave now. He doesn't want you to wear cute clothes/ talk to guys because he is really insecure and makes up for it by making you feel guilty or wrong for doing normal things. I would tell him that you can't be with him anymore and it just isn't working. You would be really insecure to stay with a guy like that because you deserve someone who treats you right and that's nice to you, not someone who tries to control your friends/clothes/life and gets mad at you.

I was in a relationship for 6 years with the same problems, only mine got worse. over the years his social anxiety consumed him to the point where he couldnt leave the house anymore and when I met him he was the life of the party; bright, funny, intelligent, clever, down to do anything etc. Because he could never be with me outside the house all of the control issues he had before just festered and got worse. no cute clothes, had to know everything, mad about every little thing, I mean little little things, and I was the only person who stuck by him and helped him yet he had a way of making ME feel guilty because he didnt trust me. I know he loved me and just had other issues, even though he treated me badly. It seemed like after so much time had gone by it was impossible to cut all of my ties with him, not to mention I feared for his safety because he constantly threatened taking his life if he ever lost me (sound familiar?). I couldnt take it anymore! I finally mustered up the courage and ended it. I had reached my breaking point. now it has been a year and I am engaged to the most amazing man, a man I could only dream existed. girls GOOD MEN DO EXIST! ONES WHO TREAT YOU AS WELL AS YOU TREAT THEM! and for any girls out there who have boyfriends whos lives you are worried about if you were to end it, my ex is alive and doing ok. I wont say that it couldnt happen but try to realize that it may be a desperate and empty threat because he knows he isnt good for you. if you get loved ones involved with the break up, people who know he has depression issues, it always helps. let them know you want to end the relationship and that he is going to need their support, people like his mother, father, siblings and best friends. be strong because nobody deserves that and you arent stuck even though you think you are.
amy

oh yes, and he did eventually hit me about 3 years in, he did constantly hold me down or block any possible means of escape in arguments, he did cheat on me once and cried, he did guilt me into sex I didnt want to have, begged and pleaded the first time I tried to leave him, he did pretend he was working on the problems, he had a list of thing I needed to change when I truely didnt, and sometimes I still catch myself walking on eggshells around my current fiance because of the years of psychological abuse and it wasnt until I left that relationship that I truely realized that there really was nothing wrong with me. take my advice, this could work to your benefit if you are a kind forgiving person who has been through a lot of abuse in your relationship; once you free yourself from it you realize that you now know exactly what to look for and all of the warning signs so it is after this kind of abusive relationship that you are really able to recognize a good man and find someone who will respect you because once you are free again it feels so damn good to have that control of your life and self worth again that you'll be damned to give it up to another as*h*le. be strong girls
amy

Wow...
did I write this? haha yeah I am only 17 and so is he but it sounds so identical its weird.
I need help with that too I want to know what to do I have no friends like I used to cause all my time is dedicated to him. and I can't go to parties and I can't wear clothes like that anymore... when he used to like it. and he likes calling me names and sometimes he fights with me just to fight. I am getting tired of it but I love him and he tells me the same. I mean my family and his family are so close and it would just be wrid... when you date someone you are only supposed to make them a part of your life.. well I have already made him my whole life.. what do I do?

Hi Heather,
First Of All I Would Like To Give An Answer To Your Question The Control Freak In Your So Called Relationship Is Your Boyfriend Not You, So Dont You Ever Think Its Your Fault For His Behaviour.
I Wish I Could Give You Advise On How To Make Him Less Controling, But I Simply Cant As I Am In The Same Position. I Dont Know How To Stop His Behaviour But I Know Its Wrong. He Says He Loves Me But I Guess His Love Is Obsession. He Has Stopped Me From Talking To My Friends One By one He Got Them All Against Me. And As For Wearing Skirts I Have To Wear A Long Coat Even On A Hot Summers Day Which Is Zipped Up Covering My Neck. If I Refuse This He Gets Mad And Also Violent The Only Reason I Stay Quiet Is Because I Am Scared He Will Beat Me. This Is Not the End To All The Things He Controls In My Life. I Feel As I Am Being Bullied I Cant even Stand Up To Him As I Feel Helpless And Scared. I Know There Are Many Girls In the Same Boat As Me What Are We To Do? Is It My Fault, Did I Turn Him Into This Controling Monster, Beacuse When I Met Him He Was Not Like That He Was Sweet And Caring And I Was Allowed Freedom Now I Feel Like This Prisoner For A Crime I Have Not Done. We All Obviously Need Help But How, What Do We Do??

From Lost Soul

my boyfriend dont like me getting tattoos or dressing sexie.he calls me names like u
you dumb. my parents and friends tell me to dump him. he told me if my mom dont like its over.if I cant tell him something he gets so mad ands says tell me damn it. he dont think im smart. he hates my skin. he wants me to be tan. he was me to be something im not. and it hurts. he makes me cry. and dont like when I hang out with my guy friends.

I am in just same problem!!!I know he loves me more than his life...but sometimes its too painful!!he is my fiance!!but you know I cant leave him...when I think to leave him I feel like am too lonely in this world...he is my everything!!hope he will be alright in future!!!I just need your pray!!!because really cant leave him...just waiting to see him as before!!!soo caring,never did scream with me..but now!!!anyway PLEASE PRAY!!

WOW how horrible. I am way older than some of you, 26. I would advise you to leave. Does he have any addiction problems? Does he say bad things about your friends to try to make you feel like they are bad for you? Does he make you feel like you are defective? Does he call you crazy? Do you have children together, let me tell you, you dont want this to happen. Because it does complicate things. Many controlling people will try to urge you to have children because they want to "trap" you. They want to either marry you or have children with you because that gives them a sense of ability to better isolate. Often times from what I have read the controller is also a person who blames. There are several pysch. evaluations. Mnay of them are different when we meet them, then they change, and blame you for the unwillingness to get out of the house. WHICH is NOT true. No one can make you do anything. YOU have the power to choose. From reading controlling people typically have a very lovable and likeable personality. They have to in order to lure in their "prey". Sounds crazy but if they acted as if they do now they couldnt get much of a "catch". Do not let anyone destroy you. I have cut ties as well and feel much more freedom. I am happier when I am doing my own thing, not because I am selfish, unloveable, etc. Because no one should try to think they know what is best for you, because you know what is best for you! I know you feel like you cant go on, I did too. I know you love him, I still do. But the question that is the deal breaker (if you dont already have physical problems (bruises, chest pains, nausea, vomiting (*from stress)) is to ask yourself "DO I WANT TO LIVE LIKE THIS FOREVER" life is so short. You should endeavor to be happy. And if someone doesnt contribute to your happiness that is ok, because you are suppose to make yourself happy. But if they contribute to hurtful things then you have to recognize that. It is hard to break a cycle. You have the comfort, you have been told how YOU are the problem for so long it is hard to imagine how anyone else would want you, THAT IS their GOAL! Even though they may not do it on purpose, some really just dont even realize they are like that. Even though they may justify themselves because they pick out things that are wrong with you(and make it sound as if you are the problem until you honestly believe that you are) Stay true to yourself. DO NOT cut off your friends no matter how ("stupid, bad, etc) they are deemed to be. THEY ARE YOUR FRIENDS! And you need a good system of support. YOu need to get out and join things. Groups, clubs, and things of that sort. When you see once again how easy it is to go all day and smile rather than cry you will prefer that! But right now you stay in an endless cycle because you have no support and if you are afraid to venture because of physical contact then call the police or abuse hotlines. They are there for a reason. Personally I was bigger than my mate, there wasnt any hitting. But he did try to restrain me when I didnt want to hear anymore or tried to leave the room. YOU SHOULD NEVER put your hands on anyone, or allow them to pUT their HANDS ON YOU! He also liked to damage things. I dont like that. Who wants their things broken? Who wants to buy anything for their home when it can potentially be destroyed? Ask yourself these questions. Who wants to never be able to go out feelign like they look good? Who would want you to? I can see that some men are insecure and being comforting and human(such as NEVER checkout guys with your man that is tacky, NEVER cheat) Those are human. You can WEAR whatever you want. You can be sympathetic and comforting by sayign I love you, I want to be with you, etc. ANd if that isnt enough they cant expect you to diminish yourself for them. Another thing is the cycle, they break you down (I too wore a coat because I didnt want my clothes commented on, and I had low self esteem)_then I noticed how he started getting mad because people noticed I wore the coat and me wearing it was a problem and I actually wanted to wear it more because I felt like he was trying to control me then. And in fact I think he was trying to get me to want to wear it. When (if) you leave this character and are happier, outgoing, living a full lovely life. He will see your happiness, jealously will set in. He will try to smooth things over with you and act like he will appreciate you and love you and is best for you. I have fallen for that. It is not the best thing. If you arent happy, whatever your faults may be, you dont need someone who points them out to you, cant see the good in you. Who wants you to be perfect and a blame for everythign for them. Who makes you out to be the abuser when they are. How come when he is gone you can have a good time just fine? How come you are happier? Stop worrying abotu what he is doing, dont call, concentrate on yourself. It helped me.
I hope this helped. I am so sad that some of these girls are 18! ToO early. I have heard too, so be cautious, if you picked one of these guys you can choose another. You need to pay attention when selecting a new mate. You cant no trust the next (in case he is a good one some people do that), and you cant not open up to them, and you cant treat them as though they are him either. YOU MUST just be happy for yourself and if they fit in the picture and bring you happiness then they are a keeper and if not. MOVE along. Dont even play the cycle game. Mine liked to tell me no one else would have me. That simply isnt true. I am a beautiful lady, lovely child, educated, independant, ambitious. Dont be a man hater either after you ditch him. Recognize there are plenty og good men out there. Mine also liked to believe he was of higher intelligence than most and was the best. But he had low self esteem. He in the end blamed me for nearly everything. I have faults, I am sure you do too. But you cant blame everything on him or you. It was a realtionship 50 50 fault. Remember that. Fix what you feel you need to work on to make yourself more marketable (just kidding) to make yourself HAPPY! and then move along. Someone is out there for everyone. I hope my ex finds happiness. But I dont think he will. I think he will go and be free, caring, loving, etc) for a short while until he finds someone else. Then he will begin a cycle with them. His average seemed to be 4-5 years of relationship time. THey typically target young females because they are more nieve and want an understanding older man. And they are more easily influenced. Read up on the abuse if it sounds familiar pay attention to it, it is not fictional. And go out to wikipedia and search behavioral disorders. I remember doing this and discovering he had several traits of pyscho, narcissim, anti-social, etc. Everyone is alittle bit crazy, embrace your craziness. If it doesnt hurt anyone else it is just a part of your personality. No one is completely sound, in fact my pysch's and social workers are the more disturbed people as they seek out that profession to correct something for other people they couldnt for themselves. I wish you all the best. I was sad to stumble upon this and hope that me sharing has let you know you arent alone, you can get away. I dont know if you are independent women or not but you need to be able to take care of yourself anyway so start now if you are not. No one should take care of you, nor should you take care of them. Being able to take care of yourself gives you a sense of freedom though, or it does me, knowing I can pay my payments, bills, own rent allows me to leave easier than those who could not. So I recommend education, being self sufficent, making new friends, joining new clubs, defining what makes YOU happy and seeking it out. Best of luck to all of you!

im seriously in the same boat... mine wont let me talk to anyone.. no guy friends NOTHING even ones I've grown up with my whole life, hes even getting pissed off when I talk to girls? like what the f*ck. He wont let me go out ANYWHERE that means even friends houses where there are just girls. he thinks they are trying to turn me agasint him. but w.e, at work hes always starting fights with me cause my coworkers talk to be so he says their more important then him. I cant talk to anyone on the phone,cause apparently im talking to a guy and im cheating blah blah blah, even tho im not on the computer, every time he calls me his conversation goes like this 'where are you? where in your house? are you on the computer? are you talking to guys on msn? are you on facebook adding more guys/talking to more guys, how come you have 256 friends? look how many of those are guys" and you get the point how the rest of it goes... I cant breath.. I havent gone out in almost 2 years now, thats how long I've been dating him. HE EVEN GETS MAD WHEN I GO TO SCHOOL! because I made new friends "which are girls" he says im getting off the phone with him to talk to other people etc, that their more important. he makes me feel bad like if its not right to have friends.. im soo freaking tired of this, but everytime I try to dump him... he threatens to kill himself... do I stop and try and fix things.. I NEED OUT AND FAST IM ONLY 18 AND I FEEL LIKE IM 80!

I was in a relationship like that think I am again but nevermind . as I were saying babe drop him he dont dersevse your love cause my boyfriend dont like t when I chat to guys but hes aloud to chat to girls

arhh babe like chelsea said drop him he oversly a maggot, chelsea wasnt that aaron and your with derek now ! find some 1 who loves you for you

you need to break it off now he is to abusive and forcing you 2 have sex with him is sexual harrasment soon he will be violent im sorry but what you are saying isnt love!

sweetheart im in the same position but im only 15 and I love my boyfriend to death but he is so very controlling I cant wear what I want talk how I want hang out with my friends or even talk to them he hates my family and always talks bad about them. he absuses me like hits me and breaks my things one time he broke my ipod and then I threw it at himand then he started chocking me.. I no I need to get out of this realationship but I dont know how.. it would be very easy for me he lives in missouri and I live in iowa weve been dating for like 1 1/2 but I cant leave him my whole life is planned with him in I can tpicture me without him and hes my only way back to his town which I love so mujch but if we break up who would I stay with... I no I cud find another guy but I dont want to I just want him to change I wonder if he has like a disease BPD or like bi polar anyhting about my past he hates so I cant talk about that im a military brat so I've moved around a lot and he hates that because hes live in a small town his whole life..I dont no what to do like I just tried to talk to him about it but he just tells me to shut up.. when we talk on the phone I can stand up to him but in person I do what he tells me to do so he dont hurt me buit I just want him to get help but he wont I love him to death it would hurt to much to leave him..if somebody could help me that would be very nice I no what I need to do but its not like I have someone to hang out with and talk to my best friend lives in washington adn I only can talk to her over the phone everythign would be fine adn I eould leave him if I lived somewhere I liked whre my friends are but for now..I think its my faoult he never acted like this until I moved away from him then he got all controlling about everything..my rules are no makeup you have to wear swets and t-shirts nothing low cut or short or skirts.. cant watch tv buit I do anyways cant paly volleyball because of the shorts..I love volleyball im so scared to not listen to him I've tried to leave him before but I always end up going back to him crying and telling him how much I love him it sucks but I dont what to do and another thing I cant leave the house...but yet when im with him I can do whatever I want we go shopping and I wear lowcut shirts and skirts and basically everything he tell sme I cant do away from him I can do with him does that make any sense???