Is he still in love with an old flame?

Okay. So. Things are going so very well with my boyfriend. He makes me feel things I never have before. But there is a slight problem. I think he still has feelings for an old flame. I asked him about this before, but he assured me it wasn't an issue. He...

said she had her chance && messed up && he promised he loved me. Now. He does a very good job of showing his love && even wants to move in together when he gets back. (( He's in the army. )) He's even mentioned maybe marriage one day. But I can't get over this feeling that he still cares for her. He never tried to hide the fact that they still talk online && such. (( She lives across country now. )) But now I'm finding out she's sending him dirty pics of herself from her website && he's said they "weren't so bad" but I "was a lot better". (( Yes. She does pornography. )) It bothers me that he's even accepting dirty pics from her. I mean. I don't care if he looks at porn. But there's just something about KNOWING the girl && KNOWING they once had a fling. Granted. They ARE professional pics. But still. Then. Today I find that while away for training during V-Day, he may && or may not have visted her since he was in the area. Granted. He && I had JUST started dating around then && weren't sure how serious we would get, it's still a bit annoying to know. I don't know what to do. I love this guy but I'm scared to death of getting hurt by him. He says he loves me too && he wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it, but still. Any advice at all would be great.

Wow...this a hard one and I understand your feelings regarding this situation.

Well...first you must have full trust with an open and honest relationship for it to work.... now he treats you will but there is still a question in your mind about the trust and the intentions of the ex....I understand.. personally I wouldn't feel right knowing he contacts his ex as much as it sounds. and if shes into porn she doesn't sound like the type of girl you would want to call the mother of your children either.....so I think you need to communicate with him in a very sweet way...no b*tch attack here please.... and tell him how much you care for him but you must be honest in telling him yu feel very unconfortable with him contacting his ex so much and with her sending the porn picture....for it makes you feel very insecure....and you don't want to be coming off like your jealous because your not she very uncomfortable.....and it would be better if he didn't have so much contact with her...because it makes you feel like its weakening your realtionship with him and its the last thing you would want....you could also reverse the table and say.....how would it make you feel if I talked to my ex as much as you do and he was a male stripper and sent me pictures of him...??? sometimes we all have to stop and reverse our views on things because it makes a big difference.

So you need to start working on a good open and honest communications with him....and ease into what makes you feel uncomfortable....if he cares and loves you he will stop having so much contact.....if he yells and continues to contact her....then you should consider leaving him.....but first have that talk....if just may make a big diffence..... good luck!

Alright, this may not be what you want to hear at all but here goes my personal situation with this.

My ex and I dated for nearly four years, we ended on sort of a bad note and hadn't talked at all unless it was neccessary. He also had lived with me so it came a time where I needed him to come over and return the key and get off the lease. This was a few months ago and we broke up last August. I had moved on with someone new and so did he, he was talking with her before we had even broken up. To my surprise that day he came to return my key he burst into tears telling me he loved me and he made a mistake, blah blah blah that I was the one that he needed in his life and took me for granted. Of course his new girlfriend knew nothing about this but she had her suspitious and I feel bad for her that they are right.

I guess what I am saying is yes, if they did share something really special and really cared for one another then there is a great possibility that he still thinks of her. Maybe not enough to leave you for because he knows it wouldn't be worth it, but he probably does still think of her. 10 months later I still think of my ex and I am with someone else, but he was my first love and no I would never leave the person I am with to be with him again because I know he can't change. So maybe he does think about his ex, but you're in his present now and he is probably looking to make great memories with you in the future, but don't expect him to forget his past.

While this guy may shower you with affection and make you feel like a queen and treat you like gold and be Mr. Perfect, he sure is a big moronic jack ass who has absolutely no respect for you.

Secret visits, sharing online pornographic photos of his ex girlfriend? I would kick that loser to the curb so fast that his military boots would be left standing.

I don't know what ever happened to you to think this was acceptable treatment, but boy, you sure will do everything you can to continue acting the fool.

Wise up.

okay so when I read the first couple sentences I was thinking oh come on this girl cant honestly be worried about the ex.. but as I kept reading I realized you have a lot to worry about. a)he has no respect for you.. loving you and respecting you are two completly different things and dont always come hand in hand. in this case he brought all the love and affection to you but apparently thought to respect you and consider your feelings. dont put up with it, you need to talk to him. nicely obviously and if he doesnt hear you out or support your concerns then make sure you have a back bone and dont let him run you down. I understand you two may love eachother, but I've been in a situation like this before, and trust me hunnie theres more going on than you think. im not saying hes cheating on you because I highly doubt it, but if hes being secretive then hes doing something wrong and knows it. this guys problem is he knows it but wont man up and stop.. why?? well thats a question you have to ask him. tell him to put himself in your shoes and let him know your not going to play games. be firm but sweet.