Interracial dating problems

I'm a white female and have just started dating an African American man. I've never been happier, except all my friends in my typical little Midwestern hamlet seem a little miffed.

I like my friends, but I sort of knew, going into this that...

there would be some problems. I can't say for sure that anyone is being explicitly racist, because they haven't said anything, but the look on their faces say it all.

I haven't told my mom as yet either, since I know that she would probably explode. What can I do? I dont want to lose this guy, he is everything to me, and me to him. We've planned out our future together, I just need to know how I can confront the issue with friends and family.

Your comments are to some extent very valid. An inter-racial relationship is tough. But so is any relationship to some extent. You forget the positive pay-back that an inter-racial marriage can and often gives if it works out.

As for the genetic pool it is commonly know that it is a POSITIVE think to mix the gene pool between races. It is the exact opposite of "inbred" and it is beneficial in that sense.

To choose to not give a relationship a chance just because practicalities will make it tough, is something that you might regret later in life. It is good to recognize the challenges, but that doesn't mean you should now take on that challenge.

Good luck.

People need to get real. I mean honestly, in this day and age, objecting to any kind or even implying that interracial relationships are not cool are not thinking.

I've been around the world and seen this happening more and more, in every country: people having relationships with others that aren't from the same country / culture / heritage - it's all the same.

Now, I could repeat some rude stereo types - but those are just that, silly stereotypes that some people have, and people need to overcome their objections to what is new / different / not representative of one particular group.

It's a funny thing, the way people can act. However, enjoy your life, enjoy your relationship, and perhaps someday, every boy will learn to be happy & peaceful.

It goes like this, do your thing, girl. That's all. Who cares if you are in a midwestern hamlet or not - all that matters is that you are down with him.

Peace.

Up front: Despite all the pro comments here, I'm not going to give a positive.

There are lots of negatives to an interracial marriage. While this comment is going to be short, it could run pages. There is a lot to cover and it just isn't going to get all covered in this one post.

1. Your children will be bi-racial. That *always* makes a difference to *them*. It is something that they cannot change, but you gave them. It may well be for instance, that they will never be accepted by the parents and other relative on *either* side of the relationship. Of course, they may say 'nice'. But behind your back, they are saying something else. In some cultures, they are not so polite about it. A child of a white and a Korean for instance, is *never* accepted in the Korean culture at all.

You see, what you think and do might seem ok or whatever by you, but from your childs point of view (and the relatives) it was and is selfish. And probably born of rebellion. But that is another subject.

2. The divorce rate for non-interracial marriages is probably 50-60%. That is without the racial thing against you. Add that in and you see your odds long term are not very good. And when you do get divorced, you will have bi-racial kids. And like it or not, that nice guy of your race will probably be a lot less interested...

3. All too often, interracial relationships come about after problems with family (parents etc) and are subconciously a path to rebel against them. Perhaps caused by abuse at home.

The problem is, you will later regret the lack of closeness to relatives, especially when the kids arrive. Trust me, it will never be the same as it could have been.

4. It seems a lack of respect is common in such relationships. Speculation might be that a guy (gal) may respect the other less as they did not think their own race was suitable or good enough for their choice. High profile extreme might be for instance, O J Simpson. But I have seen the same thing at the local high school, where a black guy beat his white girlfriend to death.

It seems from my observation that many such white gals don't respect themselves much. Again, abusive childhoods?

5. And what does it mean to all the nice (and yes there are very nice) black women who are shunned by the black guys to go for a 'trophy' white gal, perhaps blond, to sport in the car around town? What of those black gals? How do they feel? Not good enough for a black man?

6. There can be some health problems inherited by the kids. They get genetic problems from *both* races. Take Asians, for instance. They are more sensitive to medical drug treatment than whites. So a child who is part Asian could be overdosed if the doctor did not know or suspect. Blacks get sicke cell anemia, which is genetic. Whites may be more susceptible to skin cancer.

I could go on and on. I have written on this subject before. But there is a lot more to the whole thing than the emotion you might feel now. Emotion can be created with just about anyone. I don't buy that as a reason to get hitched and have a kid.

I know how it feel for people to stare. I'm a black teenage female dating a white male. I'm in high school and peolpe can be so mean. This one kid came up to me and said " you do know that you're holding a white boy's hand right?" I hate it when people are racist but I love my Beau.

I have just told my father that my love is black....he refuses to talk to me. My step mother has told him he is being ridiculous. I am 43, and have decided to not let ANYTHING come between me and my happiness with this beautiful man! Be brave and let the rest go. No person has a right to make you feel uncomfortable, DO NOT let them. You love him, and he loves you...nuff said...
Hugs and best wishes!

HI im Mexican No I dont sale tacos, or what ever your thinking lol, im a pc engineer im 20 and I have been with a black female for almost two years, and I have heard rasist remarks and more, way more; for example one time we were coming from the movies one time around 1am, and we noticed to guys in bikes(black guys) and I toled her hey some spanish people live accouple houses down lets go in their yard till those guys leave, and she walked to the middle of the street smiling saying they wont do nothing, I said come on, and next think I know they were right in front of use saying to me, break your self in other words (give me your money etc, and I ignored him and I toled my girl to keep walking and I kept walking also, and he pulled out a gun, so did his friend and I toled them what you want and the point is they hit me twice in my nose broke it and almost my jaw, and about 15 black people girls and guys were in it they took about 200$ that I had and 1 hour earlier that day a mexican gangster walked up to me and said, "were you from home boy" and I said I dont gang bang and he then saw my hand around my girl and he said ohh! sorry homee I didint know your lady was here, sorry and later.

And what im trying to say is, not one Spanish person nore white has ever made a remark only peace of Sh!@ black people have and their racist F#@$Kers so if theirs a problem in interracial couples is black families mostly and even my girl say's when are daughter is born(she's now 7 months pregnant) she better not date no NI#@!, send her to mexico or something, not because she is racist but because she knows her family and her people. P.S the guy that hit me with the guy was shot in the face by some Mexicans around the hood were I live I dont know who though lol. later thanks for reading.

oh yea my family has welcomed my girl since the beginning never have they said nothing execpt little things like your having little shanika(basic black names) but its all in good fun and that's all but her family not direct because she has no brothers or sisters her aunt said im calling the INS oh her dad im gona kill him and so on my dad says your girl is beautiful my mom says if you heard her ill heart you!, my sis hangs out with her and my bro is always saying hey hook me up with one of your girls and so on; advice for interracial couples would be Never flont your partner like their a price with a big booty, treat every one equal. see the problem is that when a white girl gets with a black guy the white girl tends to "act black" in most cases atleast and their families of the girl are gona freak! or white guys will they their name is leroy.

Im mexican all they way my baby girl is gona be alicia(spanish name) and my boy later Antonio, I know who I am my family know that who ever im with im not gona be different, families dont want to have famili members that change and when you get with some one different they hate that, and they look at you like your own race wasent good enuff so if they see that your not a leroy or shanika or billy etc, wanabee then theill pretty soon be kool with you, for example me im mexicano I have a bunch of names and I toled my girl I aint no leroy I dont like bisquets from kfc, and I were pants two my waste not my behind she said I dont like tacos etc, and every thing is fine with us. thanks for reading just think about what I said its true no one likes a sale out.

before I say anything, I posted here before 2 messages, mexican 20 etc, im trying to respond to this because I feel that your trying to scare some one in 2 staying away from their heart, I for one love my girl(black girl) and their is no genetic anemia that can keep me from her, now if you dont marry some one that you love with all your heart; because they might have cell anemia, only because some people in her family 50 years ago had it, come on!!! thats stupid, aids couldent keep me away from my love? interracial relation ships are ok, now if you are religious let me tell you something, God isint racist he made every one to be equal you know all brothers, he does infact mention that we should think before we inter a interracial relationship, because of the ovious reasons, but not because of medican issues, and something else is; I pay my bills, and I love my mother and my mother loves God, thus my mother loves me, my wife, my daughter simple as that, oh and the strongest thing any couple can have that favores them is their religion is your from the same religion you got it made, that helps you a lot!! in closing, I dont care is my brother isint kool with my girl(he is) I dont care if my sis isint kool with my girl(she is) al long as my mom is kool(she is) I dont give a rap's a@# what any body had to say. If your in a interracial relationship be proud that you follow your heart, not the public opinion, your a leader in a way not A COMMEN FALLOWER!!!!!!!!!!

well I think you should just forget about what your friends think and worry about what you think if they think he's weird thats their prblem and your mom she shouldn't really care as long as your happy most parents are like so just be yourself dont worry about anyone else but you and your man and people that have problems with that just tell them to get used to it because your are going to be with that man till you die

Good Luck!!!

I am a white female, dating a black male. I don't know how his parents feel. but my mom knows, and she is totaly fine with it. but I haven't told my dad and I don't think I'm going to. not for a while at least. he is racist. very. and its hard explaining the phone calls, but its worth it. yeah, there may be some medical things, but if its someone you really love, why would you give that up? and religion really does help. me and him are of the same religion, strong and true. that helps a lot. we've got it made. and I know that I will never act black. I am the whitest white girl. but I will never ever give him up. family comes first, but remember, if you love him enough to marry him, and you do, then he IS family.

HAY MINISTRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why R you LAGHING AT THE TYPOS. IT SOUNDS LIKE your SAYIN THAT MEXICANS OR BLACKS OR any OTHER RACE ARE BAD SPELLERS. I THINK ITS RUDE!!!! I KNOW you CAN WRITE what EVER THE HELL you WANT HERE, BUT I MEAN COME ON. THAT IS JUST PLAIN WRONG

AND you STARS!!!! YOU DONT EVEN FREAKIN BOTHER TO WRITE DOWN THE POSITIVE THINGS OF BI-RACIALS. MY COUSIN IS HALF WHITE AND ASIAN. SHE IS AS BEAUTIFUL. SHE IS VERY SMART AS WELL. AND HER PARENTS HAVE A VERY, VERY, VERY NICE MARRIGE. THEY ARE BOTH HAPPY.ALSO THE O.J. SIMPSON THING IS BETWEEN MAN AND WIFE, NOT BLACK AND WHITE. ALSO GOD SAID WE DIDNT HAVE TO MARRY OUR SAME RACE, DID HE? AND FYI, I WOULD KNOW GOD NEVER SAID THAT WE HAVE TO MARRY THE SAME RACE, I WENT TO A CATHOLIC SCHOOL. NEXT TIME, LIST THE POSITIVES AS WELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Stars wrote is actually very sensible. As was said, for many black men, dating a white woman is something they do as a status symbol. For many white women, dating a black man is exciting and different, and also done out of rebellion because up until recently it was a social taboo. Asian women are also starting to drift into this.

I'm not against interracial marriage, but I am against interracial dating for the wrong reasons.

if that guy likes you you can show him to your family and friends. no problom.

Family only wants one thing for each other and that is simply happiness. Your family loves you and though at first they may be bitter to the situation, they'll get over it in time and find that he's a great man to you and they'll respect what you want because they are seeing that you're happy.

you should tell them that you like him for who he is and not for what color he is

Stars has some good points, I will agree. However it's important to note that every relationship, whether interracial or not, has problems.
Just to put what Stars said in a different light, consider the following:
1. While, bi-racial children do not get to choose to be bi-racial, no unborn baby gets a say in his/her makeup. I.e. a child could be born gay and has no choice about this.
2. Divorce rates are just a statistic and if you get along with the person you're with and really love him/her then you will not become another negative statistic.
3. Relationships should be based on love - granted you are dating your significant other based on the person he/she is, then rebellion doesn't play a part in the mix.
4. In reference to health concerns, many families have past histories or genetic factors that may affect the outcome of a child's health, whether bi-racial or not.

In sum, dating becomes a personal decision that you have to make. No one should have the right to tell you who you can or cannot date, and you should not feel as though you are pressured to date a certain person based on race or anything for that matter. While it is unfortunate that people in society are not accepting of certain issues, it's important to take everything with a grain of salt and realize you can't please everyone. If you are happy, then that's all that matters because you're not hurting yourself or anyone else.

Just be upfront and honest about it. If you love him who is your mom to jude, because God doesnt mind you dating a black man so why should she?

if he means that much to you then stay with him don't let people get in your way and don't worry about what they say and if they were true friends then they would support your decision

honey if you and him are happy together then who cares what everyone thinks? and if your "bffs" start giving you crap about it then are they really your friends? real friends would just want you to be happy.
good luck