I want to know your opinion on this poem.

"X-Mas Day"
AN open book lays on a dusty table/next to an empty bottle and a cd
and I try to speak but I'm unable/to hear myself over your t.v.
She just sits there still and silent/and her skin feels cold as death.
I stand before her patiently...

bent/praying that she'd take a breath.
She had finally drank it all away,/all her memories and agony.
There could have been a better way/but now she's also ridden of me.
My eyes slowly well up inside/but refuse to spill over my face
and no matter how I try to hide/this image I'll never be able to erase,
one last smile on her perfect lips/and the sparkle in her blue eyes,
so beautiful and real that it rips/the ability from me for quiet goodbyes.
I didn't want her to go/with so much I had left to say
and I just wish she'd know/how I felt for her on Christmas Day.
If I could have any gift today/take my breath so you could breathe
so you'd hear what I've got to say/and I wouldn't have to see you leave.
I just need to hold myself now/'cause I feared losing you.
Strangely though I feel freed somehow/as if you now knew
how I love you/and ache for you,
burn for you/and break for you,
give for you/and take for you.
I lived for you/and I'll die for you.

if this is coming from the heart it's great to let it out like this. I used this method myself.
but like katwoman said you have to stick to the topic all the way through so it makes sense.
but other than that it was pretty good.

I really liked that. "I lived for you/and I'll die for you" Amazing!

omg that poem is AMAZING!!!

I think there should be separation between verses so it might flow better and make it easier to read.

I don't care for the last few lines. They don't seem to go with the rest of the poem and it doesn't sound right to end all the sentences with 'you'.

Here's a little hint that has been helpful to me. Try not to use the word 'I' in a poem if possible.

that was good<3

I liked what you said but would cut out some of the "ands" and shorten it up a bit.
such as...
an open book, an empty bottle lay on a dusty table...
I try to speak but can't hear myself over her tv...
She sits, still and silent, skin cold as death...

hope you don't mind the critique

I think its great please write more>3