How can I gain trust back after sleeping with my ex?

I dated a girl 2 years ago, we had a month long relationship that took around a month or so to start. We split up because her parents didnt want her dating yet a guy 3 years older...so we didnt talk for a whole year and we would run into each other in...

crowded areas such as mardi gras or block parties, even shows I played with my band. We would talk every now and then, once every other month maybe. I started dating another girl (who I will label J), J was a big mistake, she cheated on me with my old bassist (which I found out around 8 months later) and I broke up with her, sadly, since I was one of her best friends I remained friends with her...and it seemed she was obsessed with me (which took me now to realize) . The girl I dated before stopped by practice, and we were flirty...she told my drummer she liked me and he told me and I got her back. We were very happy, we got along perfect and everybody could tell you that. Yet she was very mature now, and had an older concept of love, and she did admit that she liked me the whole time we werent talking even if she did date a few other guys. The thing is she was going to move and she didnt want a boyfriend, so we didn't have a title, we said we loved eachother and kissed but when people would ask if we were together, we had to say ''its complicated''. Well time flys and me and the first girl (I will now call her K ) get really strong and close and spend everyday together. We did everything, sunsets by water, sleeping in eachothers arms, going to bars, going to shows...but the bad thing is...before we got really strong we split up for a week or so...and I went to a concert and J really planned to do something with me, she even planned getting a hotel room and all and since J was my ex and I was single AND I was very intoxicated, it made me give in. I will admit it was very meaningless and I just wanted to goto bed, I felt horrible. Later on (when K and I were close) J makes up that she is pregnant like she did with her last boyfriend and somehow K finds out. So I'm completely screwed because a crazy ex wants me to be with her again and will say anything to make it happen. She tells K that we had sex multiple times in the course of our relationship and what's worse is that since the pregnant thing happened she believes J.

Wow this is long, if you are still reading, im almost done

K and I still talk after it happens, still love eachother but she made a promise to herself she would never take back the guy who cheats because of her sisters ex's and friends. Then the talking slowly decreases, then it just went to a stop. She is moving and she said she never wanted a boyfriend, yet she is dating around more than she ever has. And since she told me she felt she could one day fall in love with me a month or so into the relationship my friend thinks that she is dating to get over me. Why else would she start dating guys and ending up disappointed by them after a night. And after the year of her and I being close (keep in mind, not boyfriend/girlfriend yet there is love) all I did was kiss her and treat her good...she started dating a guy who she just told me was egotistical and I found out he tried to get her to sleep with him...and since K is a virgin and saving it she dumped him.

Recently I sent K a message saying how I felt and how much I loved her, bringing up memories and saying how much I want her in my life...she said it made her think 2 things..one part of her wanted to comfort me and talk to me, and another side of her still had an anger for what happened. this was a month ago

I know I messed up for sleeping with my ex while I was single knowing that it wasnt anything serious. I always told myself never do that with somebody you don't love...and I went against my word and ruined the best love I had in a very long time. If only my ex wouldnt have said all that bull I would have a fighting chance.

The questions really are
-Why would she be dating so frequently when she is about to move, and told me she didnt like relationships?
-Is there a way I can prove to her that I still love her
-How can I tell if she even has anything for me anymore

Jeeeeeez! that WAS long :p
You did make a mistake when you slept with your ex and you MUST understand why K feels the way she does.
K is probably dating to get rid of thoughts of you OR she could be doing it to hurt you OR she could be just trying to have some fun before she moves only K knows the answer and if you are concerned ask her about it.
You can still prove to her that you love her but be prepared to stoop low if you really want to proove it to her. Arrange to meet some where to "talk" buy her flowers, apologize, be creative, imagine what someone would have to do to you to make up for such a mistake and do it ! (you would if you really love her)
The fact that K still had a feeling of wanting to talk to you and comfort you shows that she still has tender feelings for you although the only way to REALLY know is to ASK HER!
I hope this helps. Wish you all the best and will keep my fingers crossed for you!

thank you

I am crazy about her, she really is a pure girl. I dont want her to keep dating guys who just want to sleep with her when I'm sitting here missing her worrying about her.

Time is the only thing that heals.

She is dating to try and forget you and move on, its keeping her mind of you and keeping her entertained till she moves. Otherwise she'll want to see you and then things will start up again and that will make it more difficult for when she leaves, which proves she still has feelings for you.

All you can do now is give her her space and let time pass, becos she will come to terms with what happened and make her peace with it, she just needs time away from you. The best thing you can do is to be there for her when she needs it, always be her friend if thats all you can be, and keep telling her how much you care and miss her, and never sleep with your ex again mite help! because if she hears you slept with her again its over.

try talking to her about how you feel it can help sometimes.

I should have added that we have been split up since dec 2nd.

last month we didnt talk on the phone at all and just had an e-mail or so and an AIM convo..then again she was dating a guy (which I didnt know..I knew she went on dates and didnt enjoy them) and it was after the love letter where I told her everything about how I felt.

So last week I decided if I didnt talk about love, if we just talked like normal, things could slowly start getting back to normal. So I told her she can come to me like she always did, and she said it would be weird going to me, then I said ''that message I sent about loving you ruined everything", and she said ''no , just when the guy who cheated on me says he loves me I think its bulls**t"..... So then I tell her that I dont want her love, I just want her in my life...and after I told her that she loosened up and talked about her ex boyfriend and we both picked on him and his ego/controlling ways.

Then she would text message me bringing up something we used to say about cigs...like an inside joke we had....and we have had small talk since then on the cell...

except im not going to send anythign today, give her a day or so to think about sending me something first again

Well I want to thank everybody who read this and gave their advice. It means a lot to me that yall took the time to read about my drama and actually put thought into yalls opinoin. It really makes a difference.

I always had a feeling she still had a thing for me deep down still, seeing as she liked me for a whole year and dated me the whole year after that...and since a few of yall said that...it makes a little more sense

I think its just her friend who hates me...which she has no room to talk...that girl has been down on everything but the titanic. And I know a lot of girls who listen to EVEYRTHING their best friend.

The way is see it is that she loves you all the while and when she learned you slept with another girl she feels hurt or disappointed or disgusted because possibly she has high expectation from you. That is why she suddenly dated with other men not out of love but out of that anger that she felt for you. It will really take time for her to forgive you. Well, she has her mistake also for not putting you in black and white.

Now, if you really love her, you must fight for your love. If you have the will, you will find a thousand ways to prove it to her.

I'm quite sure she loves you. She is just angry at the moment.

I dont want to be the bearer of bad news here, but I knew a lot of girls & guys whos partner has cheated on them, and even though they still loved them...they could never take them back. You need to understand that just because she still has feelings for you, doesnt mean she wants you back. She has made a promise to herself to never take back a cheater, and she seems to be sticking to those words! Some people are just very strong when it comes to love. She probably has forgiven you, but she will never forget what you did. If thats always going to be in the back of her mind, that isnt something she wants to keep reliving over and over. I still love my ex and its been 3 years. That doesnt mean that I would EVER take him back again.
Maybe she'll get over this eventually, maybe not. You just have to accept her decision, and go on. If somewhere down the road things change.....then its up to her, but no matter how much you tell her you still love her...shes not going to believe you, because you only proved that love for her by sleeping with your ex. We all make mistakes, its a part of life. Learning from them is what makes us stronger.

It doesnt matter if she still has feelings for you...those feelings will be locked up inside her, never to be let out again...just like mine are for my ex. Im sure most of us have feelings for a special person, but those feelings will forever be locked away.

The only thing you can do is give her time, and space. All the talking in the world wont convince her to come back.....it has to be HER decision!

u got to show her that your srry and show her that you care eventualy it will grow back trust me

I know it's hard to deal with - believe me. I messed up my relationship REALLY bad - I didn't sleep with anyone but I kissed a couple guys during our "break" and one guy when we were together.
I've been trying for a couple months now to gain his trust - and I did for a while... but I lied about one of the guys I kissed during our break b/c I'm stupid - even tho I knew he knew about it, I kept lying and denying it which was the dumbest thing I could ever do...
I'm trying really hard now to gain his trust - but he says he can't be with me b/c he can't trust me at all. I know he still loves me... b/c when I saw him, he couldn't look me in the eyes and say he can't be with me.. it had to be through a text message - then when I call, he'd say it almost in a whisper.

I've been trying to gain trust back - and it's really hard. but the best thing you can do is the little things. Tell her where you are and when you say you'll be somewhere, be there on time so she knows u're not lying about the little things.
Eventually she'll trust you on small things which will then become bigger things.
Also, she's dating other guys so close to moving b/c she's not over you and she is just rebounding to try and move on -- that's what I feel my boyfriend is doing, he's spending so much time with this Emo chick (so not like me... and so not his type) just to bother me and make me realize that I CAN lose him

Another thing, to show her you love her. call her and meet up with her and explain the whole story - dont leave out a single detail - even if it's irrelevant information. Tell her every detail and show her you love her by kind of bringing up past memories -- with me, I gave my boyfriend fuzzy peaches yesterday (2 big bags) b/c when me and him first met, I gave him fuzzy peaches. and when I brought them back into it, he smiled and kissed my cheek (after telling me not to touch him for a full hour) but when you bring up a good memory, it can make such a difference