I need help with a great friend who is depresssed.please anyone!

This is a long one so bear with me and I apologise.My ex girlfriend and I are still great friends..but recently lots of bad things have happened to her...all at once..Like some family members possibly dying...problems with work, relationships, money. She...

even started to drink a lot more.I know she is very depressed cause I can see it. This is not her but I dont think she even realizies it now. When we were together and even after We always "promised" each other we would be there for each other..No matter what. Shes been pushing me away recently and all I've done is be there for her. I know she doesnt mean too but well have a talk and she says thank you for being there still.Then next day she might have a suicidal moment and start texting me at 1:00 in the morning how she hates life and wants to kill herself.Im trying to be there and console and tell her she has a lot to live for. for almost 1 hour this goes on when she getting to the point where I say ill come and talk with you because she implies she alone and she wants to drive off a bridge.I tell her im coming and I start driving around the city loking for her... always asking where she is and trying to get her to keep talking so that way I know shes alive and hasnt done anything. I drove around for an hour ..completely scared because she hasnt texted me in almost an hour. Finnaly about 4 am I found out she texted her friend. That a guy "her current guy she is talking to" has her..the whole night. She was actually at a bar drinking liqour. She told no one how she is feeling about killing herself. Not even her best friends... she only told me. Yet it hurt because its like she wants me to be there but then again she keeps pushing me away. This isnt her...she is a wonderful bright person. who helps other more than even herself, yet she has had a VERY hard life from relationships to growing up... and now I know lots of problems have hit her all at once and she making decisions without realizing. What hurts most is she pushing me away hard...when im the only one who keeps being there for her. She told me in the beggining she always wanted a person like me who will always be there for her like she is for everyone else. Now it hurts because its like she wants me there yet she pushes me away most and I have done nothing but be there for her. She was very happy in our relationship and we both decided to end it because she was having doubts. Her doubbts were because she had been in a 4 year relationship fiancee when she was 17 to 21..then rebounded and ended with another guy for 2 years fiancee relationship. She has doubts because she doesnt want us to end like that. So instead of letting it through I made the idea of us just staying great friends. She hasnt been on her "own" and she wants to be independent and find her place in life without depending on someone. Thats why I decided to break us up so she an do that. Im ready for settling down...she isnt. So we broke yet we were going to stay great friends. And it was like that untill all this recent stuff. Our relationship was great and she always said it and she was so happy and I was a man she always dreamed about.No one is perfect but I did a lot for her and she did stuff for me. She wasnt used to that because it was her always helping the relationship while the exes just used her and she hated it. She even said our relationship is the first ever that we broke up not for an actual legit reason like fighting/or cheating/ or whatver like most relationships.We broke because I wanted her to find her niche in life...which she said was noble of me. Funny we broke up on Feb.16...we hadnt been intimate togeether for like 2 weeks before that because of the tension what she was going through untill I came with the idea. It was like a great burden was lifted from her.She didnt want to hurt me of all people yet she didnt know what to do. most reltionships are hurt and sad when they broke up. Not ours I decided to take her minature golfing the same night as a surprise because shes always wanted to go but no one ever took her. She absolutely luved it and was thrilled liked I hadnt seen in those 2 tense weeks.The next night I was about to go play sports and all of a sudden she was very intimate and we wordlessly and passionately had hot sex. We decided we could still be lovers and friends even though we werent together. Problem is we still live together because we decided to get an apartment when we were in our relationship.We were like this for 2 weeks when all of a sudden she started being a little distant and not realizing it was making blowing me off. I found out quite suddenly we were not "lovers" anymore and she was seeing someone else. Which didnt hurt too much because that was another point we broke up for.Yet now she had done a lot of stuff...hasnt told anyone but me like the drinking problem and suicidal thoughts...and all im doing is trying to be there like we agreed. I cant say other stuff...shes doing even more stuff but its all in been in a week. I seriously dont think she beleives in herself anymore...but she doesnt tell anyone but me. What does that mean!!?? Does she want me to be there for her still or is she pushing me away even more even though she says I havent done anything. IS there feelings for me still or does she hate me now. My biggest and final dilemmna is this....All her life people have used her for something and everyone has abandoned her.I promised her that I will not ever do that to her and ill always be there for her NO MATTER WHAT. ANd I have done that. Just now it seems in her biggest time of need even though she seems to be pushing me away I dont want to abandon her like so many others. Yet she is treating me wrong mostly because of everything that has hit her at once in last 2 weeks and I know its not her true wishes.Its like shes taking it out on me because shes knows I care.I've told her before I rather her tell me then do something to herself...vent on me.But now im so confused.I believe in her...just right now I dont she beleives in herself.Its gotten really really bad.please I ask for advice from anyone.

Wow,
That's a big ball of issues right there. All I could say to this is that it sounds like you need to souce out other people who can help her. This is very big burden for you, and when you tell someone you will always be there, it doesn't just mean that you will physically be there, or even that you will be a shoulder and a hug, and consolling words. Sometimes it means that you have to do the things that may make the other person resent you for a while, like ratting out a drug adict, or in your case, finding others with more experience in dealing with tough emotional trauma. Find a councellor who she can talk to. She may need you there for support at first, until she feels comfortable talking to the person. It doesn't have to be a big deal. Whatever it is she has gone through, there are bound to be people who have formed support groups to help others live through it.

Warning, though. She may not want to deal with it direcly, and may take great offence to you suggesting she "see help". The problem with this is that you will feel very tempted to continue to allow her to persue these destructive courses of action, because it will hurt to have her angry at you.

Remember though, if you love her, and it really does sound like in some way you do, than you would rather have her alive and angry at you temporarily than dead perminently. You amy really have to fight her, and that is why it's called tough love.

I'm so sorry to hear about this difficult situation. I understand that this is very hard on you and you really do need to get some exterior help on this one. It sounds like your friend is pushing you away because this is the easiest way to be rejected all over again. In a way she might be testing you but in doing so she is hurting you and herself. She also sounds like might be manipulating you for extra attention. Either way, when someone says they want to kill themselves it should be taken seriously. Unfortunetly, you can only do so much. Being there for her is great but she also wants to have to help herself out of this. She has to understand that you are not going to abandon her but that you alone can not fix all of her problems. It's going to be hard but you have to sit down with her (when she is sober!) and have a real heart to heart talk about what to do next in order for her to be happier. You have to stay the straight arrow and confront her about all that has been going on. Be sure to confort her and repeat to her that you are her firend, you won't let her down but you need to work this out together. The fact that you are (or were) involved in an intimate relationship with her can also confuse things and put extra pressure on your relationship if you are still having sex. Try to be clear about what type of relationship you both need in order to work this out. Everyone has a hard time in life, there are ups and downs but one really has to face the hurt in order to come out a winner and learn from past experiences. It sounds like she does have a low self esteem so it starts by her reconizing that she is worth the fight. Getting her to see someone (maybe you can go with her) and getting her close friends involved might also help that way you aren't on your own. You should also find some extra support for yourself like suicide hotlines that can help you find advice on how to deal with this. Don't give up on her but don't go down with the sinking ship either!

Wow, you said this girl called you noble, and I have to agree with her wholeheartedly. You have consistenly lived up to your promise and have given this girl a foundation on which she can trust, but I have to tell you something you might not want to hear. This girl has obviously been betrayed and doubted a lot in her life, and it has become extremely difficult for her to believe anyone is truly "there for her," no matter what they do or say. This is why she pushes you away, it's a subconcious way of her testing the relationship, as though asking you to prove her right and confirm her fears that she is all alone. I know this because I had a close friend who went through the same thing, and I know the heartbreak you must feel. You must understand that she is not pushing you away because she genuinely wants to be alone, she has just learned from her past experiences that she can trust no one and is in a way testing you to see if you are any different from the other people she has known. I am thinking you already knew this in a way, you say she is only doing this to you because of the enormous stress she is being put through and you are exactly right. But it has come to the point where she needs help, depression and suicidal thoughts won't go away no matter how long you are there for her. She needs professional help, I think. Many people assume professional help means the person is "crazy" or mental, however it simply means she needs someone who specializes in helping people with depression. Does she have family you can contact to get her the help she needs? If not, go to your own doctor and tell them the situation, ask them where you should go. They will be able to refer you to the right kind of doctor or therapist and give you advice on how to get your friend to go see them, you will probably have to go with her or even force her. You can't convince her on your own to believe in herself or to want to live, she sounds very sick. Also, about being intimate: under no circumstances should you two have sex whether she is single or not, for the reason that she is so vulnerable or so it sounds. Because of her vulnerability, you want to keep the relationship purely as friends. I would like to add that no matter how much this girl has gone through, she is extremely lucky to have you there for her. Many others suffering from depression do not have someone there for them to give them tough love. You have to tell someone else about this problem and get her help, she may feel you are betraying her trust but she needs it more than anything else. She will thank you, no matter what she says. It sounds like you will put your own needs (like wanting to be more than friends with her) aside for her well being, and you will have to do what you know is best for her even if she disagrees. You are definitely strong enough to do this, from what you have said you are capable of. I am amazed at your strength to stick by your friend no matter what, you deserve the highest praise for that. I hope you are able to get your friend help by not taking on this whole burden yourself, good luck.

I feel for you and can perfectly understand how at a loss you must feel. Your girlfriend sounds like she has clinical depression. She most undoubtedly needs a professional. I am sure she feels she can trust you, but the problem remains that she cannot trust herself. Until she can learn to trust herself, and her own feelings, she will never be able to give of herself in the way that is important to you.

Your girlfriend is self medicating with alcohol. I sense that she can talk to you easily and this is a very good sign.

However, you must also think of your own needs and not just hers. Women never respect a man who they feel they can manipulate. The best thing you can do for her right now is simply ignore her. Do some intervention (if you really love her). Tell you that you want her to be happy and you will not see her until she agrees to meet with a qualified psychologist.

Good luck~