How can I stop fighting with my mom?!

Well, I know these are common 14 year old problems, but I never stop fighting with my mom. It's always over dumb things, but she always thinks shes right, when half the time, she isn't. She has no idea what goes on in my life, with boys, at school, or...

anything. Her boyfriend just moved in, and shes all over him, its so disgusting. I need help!

I have a 13 yr old son. I was 17 when I had him. I hated my mom FOREVER it seemed like. She would tell me stuff and I was just supposed to take it as gospel and live by it. Yeah, right. She had no idea what my life was about and what my real problems were. If I even tried to sit and talk to her, she'd tell me to shut up and to not be stupid. You know why she said that? because when I told her life sucked and I hated everything, she was AFRAID. Afraid for me and my future. Afraid. Too scared to sit and really just listen without getting mad (because adults express fear as anger to their kids, it must be chemical because now that I am a Mom myself, I TOTALLY GET EVERYTHING my Mom said and did) and yelling at you or something. Remember where I said she didn't know and wouldn't listen? It's because I wasn't telling her. She knows everything. Not. She knows signs from when she was a teen and she thinks of HER life and how she thought and thinks you must be the same way, because you are just yelling at her telling her she isn't always right. How to p*ss Mom off?? Tell her she's wrong when you're only 14. Olden days that was worth a slap across the face. Now that's considered abuse so parents just yell back that you are young and dumb. Quit argueing now. You're wasting you time and making her think you aren't capable of rational thought. Do you have common sense??? Some people do, some don't. Use yours to help you realize that you won't win. You will waste YEARS of your life fighting with Mom when you could just deal with it and get past it. She will see your maturity and if you sit calmly and speak softly and tell her something like "Mom, I know we have different opinions, but I'd really like to be able to talk to you about my friends, and boys, and school, and stuff. But Mom, I don't want you to be afraid of what I say, I just want you to sit quietly and really listen to me. After I'm done talking, I'll sit quietly and listen to you." You'll be amazed at how a sentence like that from a teenager will shut the grown-up up. You can talk to her without yelling. You have to remember she isn't the enemy, She is the mother bear protecting her cub. You're her cub. Try it. The worst that can happen is she doesn't go for it and you're just stuck where you were. Find another woman to confide in. A grandma or aunt, or just an older lady you feel comfortable with. Sadly, we can't all have great relationships with our Moms. That doesn't mean you're not allowed to find a substitute. I'll be happy to talk to you.
By the way, I'm 30 now and my Mom is my BEST FRIEND in the world. It was hard. But we made it. You just have to accept that all the "mean stuff" is all from love and fear. Good Luck oh, and you know a lot about life so far, but I promise promise that anyone 10 years or more older than you, has been there done that. Listen to those people a little better and you'll learn sooner than they did how to not screw life up.

Dear Darling teenager,

Fighting with your mom, well, have you ever thought about the fact that she is older, has probably done the same things you are doing and she is just trying to protect you from making the same mistakes she did. Mom's do usually know more, because they have been around a lot longer than teenagers. If you want your mom to understand you and you are truely not doing anything that would endanger yourself or others, sit down and talk to her, let her in on your life. You may be surprised how she reacts. Try to get her to make a contract with you that what ever you tell her, she is not allowed to fly off the handle and get mad. You just want her to listen and for her to let you explain the things in your life you seem to feel that she does not understand.

I was hell on two feet when I was your age and believe me, I wish I had listened to my parents more than I did. I may not have gotten my self into situations where I was raped or got strung out on booze and drugs. I thought the same way you did, they did not understand anything about me. I got pregnant at 15, and the only person that stood by me was my mom. my father blamed my mom for his "little girl" getting in to trouble. It has taken us years to learn to talk to one another and sometimes we still have fights, but it was all about them wanting to protect me from the bad ugly world. Well, I had to learn the hard way and sure it made me a stronger woman, but what would my life had been like if I had actually listened to what they had to tell me and show me.

There is a small paper back book I would recommend very highly it is called "Making Peace with Your parents", I can't remember the author but it helped me a lot with dealing with my mother and father. And remember mom loves you no matter what, even when she is mad at you.

Dear bballstar225,
It takes two to argue...shame on your mother for entertaining an argument. I teach teens how to get what they want and it begins with attitude. Unfortunately adults aren't always right but they rule. So it really depends on what you are arguing about. If you argue about bedtimes, curfews, chores then you need to just do as you're told with a smile...sounds difficult and it is but when you comply to these home rules the adults feel as though they can trust you, they can depend on you and they become more lenient. When a parent is going through a new life such as dating, new relationships, new jobs the stress on them is...well just like you...how scary is it to start dating, meeting new people etc. So for the time being bide your time do what is expected of you and smile.
Sue...good luck

Im really sry but I cant give advice on this but I know exactly how it is. I am going though the same thing with my mom. My dads 70 and my moms 51 im only 15 going on 16 haveing old parents is hard enough but then I have a 28 and 17 yr old bro which is really hard to deal with even more my mom gives them so much attention and forgets about me a lot of the time it really pisses me off and what not.

if you win one time, maybe she will be to scared to fight you next time. maybe try using the DDT

I always used to fight with my mom and still do.
Sometimes it would get really bad and we wouldn't talk to each other for a couple of days.
Maybe you should start talking to your mom more, and try telling her about some of your problems.
You should also start spending more time together, and enjoy it.

well.. every mom is the same. even if shes wrong. say shes right.
keep your ground.. clean up after yourself.. when she talks about boys she is only trying to strike up a conversation and it end up with a fight. thats why shes so nosy. moms want to help there daughtrers. if its dumb things you argue about dont argue if she says something.. dont talk to her.. ignoring her is a good idea.. but really think about it.. does she hurt you or try to be friends but it comes out wrong because its a mom.. If you dont swear or fight and help her out shel love you and want a good relationship you got to think of her as a best friend dont tell her everything but giver an inside scoop shes interested. us teens blow up like blow fish because we think there too nosy. but they want to help and we get defensive because we can show them that we can handle it on our own.she means no harm.
you have one mom.. and you never know when sheldisappear, make her last years memorible not a horror story. she loves you no matter what!
I hope ihelped you out. Its all up to you to keep peace. keep your calm. tell her what she wants to hear. complement her in the morning or make a cup of tea shel be nicer I promise!

Dear whoever it may concern,
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I can't stand my mom. I have a 20 year old brother. And I'm 15. When I was growing up in elementary school and middle school I ALWAYS looked up to him. He was arguing with my parents a lot and fighting with them and what not. And I was the good little girl. Sort of. Now its me V.S my brother and parents. I thought fighting with my parents would get attention from my brother. But then he would yell back at me too. It came to a point where I needed to be kicked and hit a few times and me hit back before I new I should stop.

If you have a myspace, and thats what your always on and you arguing your mom to stay on. get off myspace. cause that'll solve that problem entirely. Cause there ALWAYS drama starting from myspace concerning school and home.

And about fighting over dumb things. And your right. Make her look stupid on how you were right. And tell her that even though she's older, she's not going to always be correct. We are the new generation.

Next, you dont have to completely start being nice to her and smile and listen to everything they ask you to do. In fact, try doing something without them needing to ask. For instence, if the lawn needs to be mowed, mow it. Your parents would be proud. And belive me you'll start blushing from them praising you.

Third, like I was saying before you dont need to do EVERTHING they tell you to, its ok to fight back once in a while(with words). but not all the time. Cause we all know we want sleep when were told to go to bed. We just feel the need to say no.

Forth, try staying away from your parents sometimes. If you have a dog, walk the dog for a long walk. Got a book, read in your room(in the bathroom too, a great way for your parents not able to tell you to do something). Or draw or write.

Take these tips into consideration. And teenagers are teenagers. We argue back. We have drama at school. And we really want attention.

Sincerely, Cares

I ve been through your situation. And believe me: I know its hard. I was always daddy's little girl, so I really didnt bond with my mom too much. When I was around 9 , my father went to jail, and I was stuck with what I thought was a cold mother. soon after, she started having boyfriends and cheating on my dad while he was in jail. We fought so hard it even got physical. Sometimes I would swear that I hated her. She didnt understand me and would hardly pay attention to me. I felt so lonely without daddy by my side. She didnt know what I was going thru, but I didnt know what she was going thru neither. She had to work to feed 3 kids and herself by herself. My father is out now, and it's completely backwards, I get along better with my mom than with my dad! They are separated and they hardly talk. I live with my boyfriend now and my mother and I have never been closer than how we are now. dont worry. Talk to your mother and tell her how you feel, even if you have to tell her with tears in your eyes. Deep inside her she will find that motherhood compassion and will try to empathyze with u. GOOD LUCK!

OMG that is EXACTLY my story 100% but I haven't figured out a solution yet I have no answer.

omg! I have the same problem but im 13 and my da died 2 years ago and my mom didnt take any time to heal she just started dating again like a month after so when you get some help let me know what to do!

hey Im going through the same problem and my mom has a new boyfriend too. Before you think a fight is going to start try to be patient and then ask your mom why is it you are fighting and try to solve it with a soft chat. About the boyfriend I think every kid with divorced parents has to face but if your mom is all over him try asking her and him to control and to respect your space so I respect your question and I want you to know most kids with divorce parent make this question at least once. So hang up in there. :-)

Hi I have the same problem with my mom sept her and my dad are together but what can I do to get my moms attention bout my problems!!! sorry bout your mom.