Why do people always look down on teen mothers?

I am 15, soon to be 16. I am pregnant (well might be) and I think people need to stop looking down on teen mothers. Its really getting irritating. You don't know me, nor will you ever know me. You don't know if I have a job or the money to raise a child....

If your wondering I do, I have both of them. My boyfriend also has a job. We got them so we could raise this child and not give our parents the burden of doing it for us. Yeah, our paretns have enough money to raise like 10 kids at this moment but that doesnt mean we want them to. Its our child and we're doing it on our own. You also don't know what I know about pregnancy. So you have no idea if I'm going to be a good mother or not. Yeah I posted it asking for advise, but you dont have to be rude. You have the right to your opinions but did it ever occur to you that other people have feelings to? I'm just saying think before you go out and say stuff that could really hurt someone. Does anyone agree with me?

I agree and disagree. While we live in this great country the USA where you have the freedom to bear a child if you wish - it doesn't mean it's the right thing for you, the father or the baby.

There are a lot of things to consider.
You may a have a job and the money now -
but are you financially secure?
do you have health insurance?
Is your job secure?
Do you have your own place?
What about transportation?
Will you be able to go back to work right away?
Will you have to depend on ONLY His income for a time?
What if the baby is sick, is your job going to allow you to be away?

Here's what you should do to get a picture of WHY everyone is telling you the things they are telling you.

Get a recent newspaper and look for a place to rent. Write down how much it would cost to rent a month.

Now figure out your utilities(heat, water, sewage, trash pickup, electric etc) and how much they would cost a month.

Do you want cable tv? internet? add those costs in there too.

Car payments? Add that.

Don't forget about the delivery! It easily costs between $5,000-$8,000 for a normal vaginal delivery, up to $12,000 for a cesarean delivery and much more if there are complications. If you are covered by insurance, it may cover most of the cost.

If you plan to use disposable diapers, plan on spending between $1,600-$2,300 by the time your baby is potty-trained. Expect your baby to go through at least 7-8 diapers a day on average and spending $80-$130 a month on diapers alone (especially in the first few months, when changes are more frequent.)

For formula (up until your baby is one-year-old), expect to spend between $1,000-$2,300- depending on whether you use powder in a can or ready-to-pour liquids. Plan on spending at least $40 a week on infant formula.

Don't forget about food for you, him and baby!

This is a break-down of the average prices for baby items (not all are a necessity.)

Crib with mattress- $160-$750
Crib bedding set- $35-$270
Crib blankets (4-6)- $8-$40 each
Fitted crib sheets (2)- $8-$20 each
Water-proof mattress cover- $10-$20
Bassinet or cradle- $35-$260
Changing table- $70-$600
Changing pad & cover- $25-$50
Dresser- $90-$650
Rocker or glider- $90-$500
Car seat- $35-$280
Stroller or travel system- $30-$300
Playpen or porta-crib- $60-$180
Swing- $45-$130
Play center or walker- $50-$125
Mobile- $25-$70
Baby carrier or sling- $20-$140
Monitor- $20-$230
Baby gate- $35-$250
Bouncer seat- $30-$90
Toy box- $25-$90
Gym or play mat- $25-$90
Doorway jumper- $25-$60
High chair- $45-$240
Diaper bag- $10-$60
Diaper pail- $20-$45 Refills- $15-$20 (3 pack)
Thermometer- $10-$90
First aid supplies (kit)- $20-$30
Humidifier or vaporizer- $15-$130
Bottles 8 oz & 4 oz (8-10)- $10-$20 (3 pack) or $20-$40 (starter set)
Bottle warmer- $18-$35
Sterilizer- $30-$70
Breast pump & accessories- $45-$350
Breastfeeding pillow- $20-$35
Bath tub or seat- $15-$35
Hooded towels (4)- $6-$30 each
Wipes (a lot)- $4-$5 (pack)
Clothes for first year- $500-$1,200

You're 15. I'm sure you know everything there is to know about pregnancy and what it costs to live yourself let alone with a child. It's not about being a good mother or not. I'm sure you'd make a fine mother - but are you going to struggle? You need to do your research is all everyone is saying. Don't get so defensive - people are trying to help and prevent you from a big headache later on.

Welcome to the Internet: the land of the free. In case no one has told you this yet, anything you say here is open to subtle criticism or blatant mockery - until moderators come along, that is. Either get a thicker skin, or don't say anything at all.

You feel strongly about teenagers having babies, and I detest your opinion from the bottom of my black and lonely heart. Your attitude doesn't help either. You're wrong - and I know for a fact you're wrong. Regardless, you're (almost) sixteen. You obviously know more than I do. So please ignore any of the sensible advice you've received; we're obviously just conspiring against you and the rest of the teenage population. We didn't actually base anything on any knowledge or experience, nope.

Oh, and congratulations on having rich parents. Some of us have to start from scratch and can't afford to save any money we actually make until later in life. How totally unfair! I think I'm going to make a baby now to make myself feel better. kthxbye.

I knew you were asking for yourself. You actually make enough to support yourself, and the baby at 15? Why would having to know you make us change our minds about you situation? So are you saying you are different than other teens who get pregnant? Its all about education Sweetie! I dont think teens today have ever heard of "abstinence".

Raising a child isn't an easy thing to do. Raising a child while the parents are still in their teens is even harder. Dealing with the day to day chores that involves a baby and trying to work and get an education is very stressful on any teen.

Finishing school and working to support a baby is also a big problem. In today's world, a college degree is almost a must for any good paying job. A high school education is even more important. If a teen mom still has to go to school and work, she has very little time to be a mother, and they usually haven't reached the level of maturity required for motherhood.

FACTS:
*Half of adolescent pregnancies occur during the first six months of being sexually active.
*Teenage mothers are more likely to be single, smokers and socio-economically disadvantaged.
*Some teenage pregnancies occur as a result of inadequate understanding of the reproductive cycle.
*90% of teenage mothers are unmarried at the time of birth and 60% have no male partner at that time.
*It is common for teenage mothers not to complete school and this lack of education can result in long-term unemployment or poorly paying job options.
*Teenage mothers have a higher risk of postnatal depression than other women.

You still havent explained YOUR side to the benefits of having a baby at such a young age!

Just looking at all your sexual advice you've given people, its no wonder your in the situation your in. So please DONT judge us, because we have better etiquette!!

I hear yeah! Im so tired of people like that! Im 18 and might be pregnant,
planned pregnancy. People don't know us, but I guess its all part of posting
it on here, you have to expect the worst because some people just dont
understand. Dont worry about those people though, focus on your life. Only
you know if you can support a child and to tell you the truth, if you have hope
in yourself, I have hope in you. If young teens like us are so "irresponsible"
then why are we exploring our options and getting oppinions like this. If we
didn't care about our child we wouldnt want to learn more but we do. If
you are ready, then go for it. Let me know how things work out!
good luck hunn

I hear yeah! Im so tired of people like that! Im 18 and might be pregnant,
planned pregnancy. People don't know us, but I guess its all part of posting
it on here, you have to expect the worst because some people just dont
understand. Dont worry about those people though, focus on your life. Only
you know if you can support a child and to tell you the truth, if you have hope
in yourself, I have hope in you. If young teens like us are so "irresponsible"
then why are we exploring our options and getting oppinions like this. If we
didn't care about our child we wouldnt want to learn more but we do. If
you are ready, then go for it. Let me know how things work out!
good luck hunn

I hear yeah! Im so tired of people like that! Im 18 and might be pregnant,
planned pregnancy. People don't know us, but I guess its all part of posting
it on here, you have to expect the worst because some people just dont
understand. Dont worry about those people though, focus on your life. Only
you know if you can support a child and to tell you the truth, if you have hope
in yourself, I have hope in you. If young teens like us are so "irresponsible"
then why are we exploring our options and getting oppinions like this. If we
didn't care about our child we wouldnt want to learn more but we do. If
you are ready, then go for it. Let me know how things work out!
good luck hunn

I am agreeing with both sides I am 18 and have completed high school and in my first year of college I am currently engaged and living with my fiance but we are hoping to get pregnant weather its before or after we get married. I personally believe that fifteen may be a tad young but your your own person and it's your and your boyfriends decision but it shouldn't be taken lightly also I agree that people put to much of a stereotype on teenage pregnancies my mother and grandmothers all had their first children in their teenage years and they did really well for themselves. it's all about your priorities. I wish you the best of luck and I hope you'll let me know how things turn out

Melinda - you obviously have thought about what you are going to do with your life and you have a very good bases for bringing a child into the world, but a lot of other teens don't think like this, you have a lot of security being engaged and living with your partner, who obviously can accomdate you and your child to be. The thing is, is its the other 95% of teen women that don't see the big picture and want kids for the wrong reason, or don't understand the enviroment and security needed to bring a child up, someone posted above about all the costs - ain't cheap... and to all the girls out there talking about 'Boyfriends' support - you think they are going to be around that long? first time you tell him your pregnant his concience will come into play -high possibility he won't want it after all, and you'll end up as another statistic on the single mothers chart. if your both serious in a relationship, then by all means go for it...but the chances of you/him cheating on each other with so many more years of partying to come will be freakin high...I don't have many friends that have gone threw with it and lived happy live's with the father at the time. think about it, do you want to be stuck at home looking after the kids whilst he goes down the pub every night? (men are arseholes 95% of the time, trust me - I am one!)

I don't READ YO WHOLE THINK BUT GURR I THINK UM PREGNANT and I don't know what 2 DO I KEEP HAVIN BAD DREAMS and WAKIN UP and DA MIDDLE OF DA NIGHT CRYIN and STUFF MANE UM SO SCARED

yes I hate that to but sadly I lost my baby and my mom was so happy it hurts because I want to have another but I cant shes forcing me to take depo but when I was I was treated like because I was pregnant but I held my head high

Typically teen mothers are looked down upon because their pregnancies were a result of poor planning or lack of planning and detrimentally affect many people. Most teenagers don't choose to have children - their children are born unplanned, without any preparation, to girls who made the choice to have unsafe sex.

You bring up the money your parents have to rear children, but say you don't want it. Fat chance. The truth of the matter is that most teenagers, yourself included, it seems, have no concept of responsibility fiscally or otherwise.

As for your child, s/he is more likely to be prematurely born, have a low birth weight, or have a physical disability. S/he is also 50% more likely to repeat a grade in school. S/he is also, statistically, going to do significantly worse on standardized tests and be less likely to graduate than her peers. Daughters of teen mothers are 22% more likely to become teen mothers. Sons of teen mothers are 13% more likely to be incarcerated. (Check out teenpregnancy.org.)

If you wait 4 years, those statistics disappear. That's one reason teen parenthood is frowned upon.

If you are ashamed of the situation in which you find yourself, you only have yourself to blame. "Looking down" on teen mothers was here long before you.

who ever this hollydoll person is is wrong her child will GRADUATE,WILL PASS ALL OF HER TEST IN SCHOOL WITH FLYING A'S, YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING DOWN ON PEOPLE,your child will not graduate or pass any of the test in school.(YOUR AN ASHOLE)

I agree. I'm 14 and pregnant, and totally agree with you. It's scary enough having a baby, you don't need to worry about what others this too. Teen mums can do just about anything a older mum can, maybe even better, because we will be younger and able to understand them more. I don't see how it's anyone elses business, they look down on anyone I know cause of my blody hormones I would probably kill them, but then again I'm not showing yet so it's ok. my parents don't know yet so ohgod if they find out I'm dead.

but good luck

xx

I am 30 years. old 3 daughters my first at age 14 she is now 16 not preg. thank GOD so I've been a mother a lil more than half my life and have struggled with the judgements of others til this day although I have a well paying job w/ ins. we do ok . I am not an advocate of teen pregnancy I do believe young ladies should really take a honest step back and think about what it is you want to teach your children about life self-respect granted being a teen mom will not make you a bad mom there are many women much older educated good jobs that have failed miserably at the job of being a mother however things are not always as they appear being a women we sometimes tend to base are lives on a illussion of what we want or the way we think things should be...I personally have struggled greatly because of my choice to carry out my pregnancy at such a young age I lost friends ..girls were not allowed to hang out with me boys not allowed to date me people made assumptions of my character I was told I could never be a good mom ...you will have to have a thick skin things will happen in your life and right in your face by people whom you thought would always be there for you ...not just some nobody online...if your not preg. already this is your chance to rethink your situation what you can do know you can only do better in time..if you are pregnant prepare urself for a long ride finish school take advantage of programs that are out there to help you so that you can provide for your child ...take care

You may be a great mother but don't you think you...being the same person...would be a better mother if you waited until you were older to have children?

Don't you think you would have more to offer, its not just money that you need to have a baby. You need life experience and you need to have had hardships, trials and tribulations and you need to have bounced back from those.

Also, In Canada, you have to get your parents permission to get married at 17. Don't you think thats saying something about what our society thinks of teenagers. You can;t even donate blood until your 17 or vote until 18. These ages are set because society as decided that people of a certain age should not do certain things. Why is there no age for having babies...that would solve a lot of societal problems...a lot of youth would not be involved in crime. Statistics show...that teens who were born to teenage parents are more likely to be involved in crime as teens or younger...why is that???

well you sound like a good mother and I admire the fact that you dont let people bring you down because of your choice
and I admire teenage mothers + fathers that do look after there kid and take responbilty
good luck for the future hun x

If you think you can make it, and if you are happy with it, then why do you care what anyone else thinks?
If you have absolutely NO doubts, then why are you posting a question on here in the first place.
I honestly don't understand why you need other people's opinions if you are so secure in your decision. If you think you can deal with it, why do you care if everyone else does?