Grown kids, stepkids, and wills...

I've been married to a wonderful man for 30 years. During that time we had 2 kids, now grown. He was married before and had 3 beautiful boys, who are now grown. His X got pregnant with another man's baby and left him, divorced him, and then...

found she wasn't happy with the new guy. She made it very difficult to see the 3 boys, but we persevered and remained connected through their growing up years. At some time after the age of 18 each of them came to live with us for a spell. In the last 10 years or so, however, they have retreated from our lives. One boy wants nothing to do with us since he has his "new" (marriage) family. We try to keep the door open, writing, calling, and inviting them over for holidays. I've tried to bridge the gap and/or find out whats wrong, but they are uncommunicative. The middle boy doesn't come around either. He now has his family (marriage) and has told our kids that he has his wives family as his own. The last boy, works long hours, just married a woman with 5 kids, and is extremely busy. He will answer our calls and is always happy to see or hear from us. However, not one of the 3 boys has sent their dad a birthday or Father's day card in the last 10 years. Each holiday, we can only count on our two to do that. I've tried to talk to the boys, and the youngest at least says he'll try. But?? It hurts my husband when they don't try.

Wills. We have worked 30 years for the little we have (we're not rich, but have a house & furniture). The 3 boys will inherit from their mother. When they have visited they have walked around the house saying which item of furniture they would like to inherit. Our two, just say to do whatever we wish with our money, house, and furniture.

I feel torn. I want to leave the bulk of our 'estate' to our two kids and leave each of the boys some $$ in trust for their kids. But is that fair? Should I split it 5 ways? It will be so little then. And the boys will inherit a sizable amount from their mom. Should I send them a letter saying how we intend to do it? Part of me says 'it's our money, we worked for it, we should be able to do with it what we want.' Another part says, 'No, you should split it up evenly.' Or should I give more to the youngest who at least tries to have a relationship with us. HELP!

Why not spend the money to make the rest of your lives really comfortable? Take a few trips around the world. Do something different and interesting with your lives.

Then you can just leave the house and furniture for all three of them to fight over.

I can see you now just laughing it up with your husband in heaven.

I think that there is more to being family then blood. If I were you, I'd leave your house and stuff to your 2 kids, and give a little money to the other 3 just to be nice. If the 3 boys don't do their part to be a family and respect their father, then you don't owe them anything. You have tried to get them to be nicer to their father, and you shouldn't even have to do that much. They are grown men and should know how to treat him. Good luck!

I honestly think you should use that money for you & your husband, take a trip, buy a beatufiul house in the country, and leave the furniture & stuff to your kids let them decide who gets what.

Love Always,
Heather

I think you shuold give more to son that tries to keep in contact with you the others should have less and if they say thats not fair tell them im sorry but you did not even try to be there for us and you dont want anything to do with us so why should you help them if they dont want nothing to do with you and if they tell you something tell them this thats just the way its going to work you did me wrong now its going to be the other way around