Girls are confusing and I need help!

Here is the story; my girl friend and I have been dating for about six months now. I am her first boy friend ever. Before me she has had barley any experience with guys before and I have had several serious relationships before this. I am 22 getting...

ready to graduate from college and she is 19 and still a sophomore. Everything had been going fine until about three months ago.

Everything just started to get rocky out of nowhere. We stopped messing around almost completely, when I have talked to her about this she just say that she isn’t a hormonal person, we still cuddle / kiss a lot, just nothing else. I agree with her she isn’t a hormonal person at all, but I am not used to this. Because of that and the fact that our schedules are different with school (we don’t get to do as much and she doesn’t say over as much) I keep getting worried that we are going to break up. I have been messed over in relationships before and sometimes come off pretty strong and get very paranoid. There is no reason at all; we have even talked about the fact that I get nervous, and she says it is nothing, and she has just been lazy as of late and we have different schedules. Lately we don’t even talk as much with each other we just cuddle or sit around. WE haven’t had much chance but it bothers me and she has told me that we don’t need to talk all the time. Last semester we did stuff a lot but not really with our friends as much. So this semester we have tried to spend more time with friends. I have been used to spending more time with her and because of this I have been major league annoying to her and call her a lot. I know this is a problem and annoys her. She knows that I mean well with everything so we have been working on it.

She has told me lately that little things have been annoying her and that they shouldn’t be. For example she just returned from spring break and she had to go straight to work well this wouldn’t have been a big deal except that I really wanted to see her and we didn’t get to talk for the entire week she was gone. So I asked if I could swing by her room for a minute and she told me she would call me if she had time. I did it anyways because I was impatient and instead of her being excited to see me she was just annoyed that I had showed up. This bothered her a lot! She knew she should have been really excited because she missed me but wasn’t!

Well the next day I came over and I could tell that something was bothering her so I when I asked she said that she thought we should take a break. She assured me that there was no one else and that she still liked me a lot. It was just that she felt like she was in a downward spiral with her feelings for me, and that isn’t going to get any better. She wasn’t in it as much as she used to be and it isn’t fair to me. I have said I love her and she has said nothing but I do know she cares about me a great deal. She said that she could see it going somewhere later just not right now. She kept telling me that it wasn’t because of me she said I am still hot to her and that I am an amazing boyfriend. We kept talking and decided to remain boyfriend / girlfriend and slow things down, because we both can see it going somewhere and the problems we are having are small.

The next day I wrote her a letter telling her that I didn’t want her to stay in this unless she wanted to. Not because she felt sorry for me or if she was afraid of what would happen if we broke up. I wanted her to be in it because she is proud of it and wants to be we ended up just laying around with each other and eventually making out which was also a rare thing (especially because she has been sick)! I have tried to give her space but since she just got back from spring break I have wanted to spend some alone time with her. The chance for that hasn’t happened because of our schedules and the recent events. I don’t know what to do because I want to be around her and talk to her a lot. We have seen each other every day so I am a bit confused and I have had a hard time trying not to call her.

Recently I have wanted to make her miss me again and make her realize what she is missing. The only way I could think of to do that is to not call which hurts me! I can’t keep myself focused on anything else recently and nothing seems to feel the same and take my mind off of it. I could use any advice what so ever!

Because of your past experiences you are crowding this girl. She tells you what she wants clearly enough [like 'no' don't come see me immediately after I get home from Spring break[ you say you understand and agree THEN completely ignore her feelings in order to satisfy your own. And you wonder why she gets upset? If the girl needs space, you love her, you'll give her the space! And by now you should see that crowding her isn't working!

Yes, you have hangups from being messed over before. But SHE isn't responsible for those? And you are asking her to pay for them. She sounds like she's being understanding about them. It's up to you to not let old stuff mess up your new thing with her. And yes, there's a chance you'll get hurt; there always is in relationships. That's a given. Just concentrate on being the best boyfriend you can be--and let the rest, which you can't control anyway, happen.

As for the way your relationship has changed, not as much sex, just holding each other, not even talking as much. There should be some space for just an easy silence with in any relationship. And all relationships evolve past the fevered, hot, 'got to have you NOW!' stage. If she can feel you will respect her space, and just enjoy being with her, perhaps some of the fever will return. One way NOT to have it return is to push for it.

You say you have a hard time NOT calling her. That sounds like obsession, not love. Love respects the other. That sounds like you needing to get your needs met, over what she needs. If you feel like you just have to call, can't help but call, and "I know I shouldn't call, but I am anyway." That's all bordering on obsession--and you need to back off on trying to control the relationship. If you need help with this go to a counselor. It will give you an outlet to vent your obsessive feelings. Write in a journal. But don't be pushy, when she asks you not to be. Perhaps when she knows she can trust you not to push--she'll start wanting to be closer.

Good luck and blessings.. .

Thanks for the help any one gave! We ened up breaking up today, she said she just isn't attracted to me as much any more and doesn't really like me as much anymore. She said there is nothing I did wrong... So I guess I just didn't cut it with her!

Thanks for any help

don't attatck her, give her some space she is probably having a rough time getting over not seeing you all the time