Am i at fault in this controlling relationship?

Asked by distressed_girl 11 months ago, 2 answers.

Can someone please tell me if I am at fault? I don't know if my boyfriend has a problem. We have been in this relationship for almost 4 years. and of course everything started nice and beautiful like any other relationship. We dated for about 6 months...

before we were girlfriend and boyfriend. He was the nicest guy. All the time we dated he lied about his age, He is 12 years older than me. But according to him that has been his only lie. Problems started one day when I told him that this other guy liked me. I told him after 5 days this guy told me he liked me and my boyfriend got furious. He was very upset I didn't tell him that same day. Later when I got a job, he told me to watch what I wore and how I fixed my hair. He got upset one time that I straightened my hair to work. He said the people around me would start talking about me and soon lose respect towards me. One day I got a "love letter" in my mailbox at work. This guy asked me out. My boyfriend has always asked me to tell him everything I do or happens around me. So I told my boyfriend about it. The letter also said how he liked the way I dressed, people at work complement me for dressing very professional, even the directors. But my boyfriend was sooo upset about it. He couldn't stop telling me how right he was about his warning to watch what I wore to work. He said I wanted attention at work and that I always do what I want. Well, another problem was that I told my friend about the love letter before I told my boyfriend. I told him about it and he, again, was super upset. He said I couldn't wait to tell my friend about it cause I was very excited about having an admirer at work. Soon I learned he was very jealous and controlling. My coworkers would invite me to lunch (3 girls and 1 guy) and I would go with them, but I decided not to tell my boyfriend about it. Well, he has always had in mind that I am always lying to him so one day he begged me to tell him everything I've hidden from him, so I told him about them. I have never cheated on him or done anything bad. But his personality has forced me to hide little things from him to prevent problems in our relationship. Now, things have gotten worse. He says I am a liar and a fake catholic because we are intimate. He wants to know everywhere I go and what I buy, who I talk to, when I wear my hair loose and straight to school, what I wear, he doesnt like for me to go out with my friends. He always asks if I talk to any guys at school. It is almost an everyday thing. WHen I get out of class I call him while walking to my car, and he listens to my footsteps to check if im wearing high heels and if I don;t call him, he thinks im talking to someone else on my way. if girlfriends come over to see my roommate(girl), he thinks im partying with them when I am only studying in my room. He says we should go to therapy/counseling (which I agree with) so that they can hypnotize me and say everything Im hiding from him. He insists that a psychologist will defend his point if we go talk to one. I am a graduate student, we are 6 hrs away from each other. I recently moved here because of school. studying and grocery shopping is all I do but he says that I have another life here that he doesn't know about. What should I do? 50% of the time we fight, the other 50% he is the sweetest guy who promises to be the best husband in the future.

Answered by bubux007 on Jan 13, 2008, 03:35AM
2381 answers

It is simple. Change the stupid b/f to the nice b/f. And if the stupid one is complainig about this, answer him that he also could have been nice, instead of being stupid. Tell him that he should control all the little detais of the life of his mother, but not of yours.

Answered by brunettexxbaby on Jan 13, 2008, 05:20AM
62 answers

Your boyfriend sounds VERY controlling.
If I was in your shoes I'd of finished this relationship a long time a go, anyne in their right mind can tell that it's not going anywhere and he has no trust for you, whats a relationship without trust?

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