Why does it have to be this way?

I wish I could just figure out why I am having these feelings. I am married for 2 years now. Have three wonderful children. But my marriage is on the rocks. He is not happy with me I am not happy with him. I give and give. I am easy going but I get...

stressed easily when it comes to the unknown. My husband is a jerk to me. He belittles me, does not let me go anywhere or have part in anything. He tells me he doesnt want to be married anymore. So I throw that in his face too. I went from on extreme to the next. I left my first husband of 3 years because we had absolutely no communication. But I was able to do what I wanted when I wanted and with whom I wanted and he was never upset. No sex. Now I have a husband that controls me belittles me down to nothing and thinks I need to give him sex at least 4 times a week. I cant take it what do I do help sorrry so long but I have a lot more help me with this first...So thank you for the help. I do have some other things that need to be clarified. I will start from the begininng. I think that it will help you understand me better. I was born to my mohter and my alcoholic biological father. At three months of age my mohter divorced him because she found marks on me. She confronted him about it and he said he shook me because I would not stop crying. YEah I wonder why I had colic. Any ways she divorced him and he had supervised visitation but only came to see me a couple of times. Thne she met my adoptive father. I took his name when I was five. Life was good until I was nine. Then my adoptive father touched me down there only once but it was wrong. For a few year from then on he would wait out side the bathroom door when I was taking a shower. Saying that he was doing laundry or fixing something. I really didnt know what was actually happining until I was around 12 then I started rebelling. I began to mess around with guys. I always was pissed off at my parents. Around sixteen I finally had enough and ended up telling someone about what happened. They told me I needed to tell my mother. So I did. She told me it didnt happen and that when she confronted my ad father he said that if it happened I am sorry. HELLO it Happened. So instead of comforting me in a time of need I got sent to live with my bio father. That just made me worse. Drinking drivin smoking things and doing the deed a lot. My bio father was always at the bar if he wasnt he was beating on my brothers. From there I went on to graduate which was hard but I did it. THen I met my first husband in sept and started meth a week after we met. Lets just say this was part of my life until March of 2004 except when I was pregnant. I never wanted to put either of my children through that. But as soon as I had them I was back on it just like drinking. I got pregnant that jan 2001 with my first son whom is having and has had problems with controllling himself in school and bedwetting. HE was born and our relationship was good until my ex cheated (no sex) but still cheated on me. I kept the relationship together despite me being upset. I ended up getting pregnant agin with my daughter (mini me). She was born and six months later I filed for a divorce. I couldnt take it anymore. I cant say I was faithful to my ex after my daughter was born in 2003. About two weeks after my ex left during my divorce I met my husband now. I knew of him from high school but never officaly met. I fell hard. He was a sweet heart in the beginning. That changed after he got comfortable with me. He gets upset all the time. I did go to college and recieved a degree in Criminal Justice. I wanted to go on but my husband didnt want me to because I had to drive and I needed to work. We Got married in July 2005. He has always been jealous of my ex whom I have joint custody with. He alway tells me that I am cheating on him. He tells me that he doesnt love me. HE tells me that I am fat. 5'4" 165lbs maybe but I dont need to be told that. I started my job which I love in march 2007 after I had my son dec 2006. I work with about 10 women and 35 men. He can not take it. HE is upset with me every day. He has a problem with me workign with so many men. I dont talk about them if I dont have to. He says everymove I make makes himn think I am cheating. I went to a training for work about 3 hours away from where I work. He called me 36 times in a matter of 24 hours. uhm...I have not cheated. I dont get to go out of the house unless it is to the store if I am gone too long for him I am in trouble. I cant have any friends. I cant talk on the phone with out getting in trouble when I get off unless it pertains to what he wants. And to top it all off HIs mother is my babysitter in my house. Cant beat that but she is in my business all the time. Some times I wish he would just hit me. He is getting to the point. He almost did the other day but he stopped himself all because I told him not asked him to make a bottle for our son. I just wish he would then I could leave and I would have a reason so he wouldnt come after me.. Sorry so long I just need to vent thank you for reading this. Help me...

Dear smileyskdog,
If we look at what both marriages have in common...it's you. You have badly chosen both times. Once you take responsibility that these men were your choice you will take the responsibility to change. You must go see a counsellor who can help you figure out why you are choosing men that treat you badly. You have left one marriage and you know you must leave this one. Your children deserve a happy mother. Do not allow yourself to get involved again until you have resolved your issues.
Sue...good luck

It sounds like you two need marriage counseling to work out some of your issues... if that won't work, I hate to say it, but you probably need to get out of that abusive situation. Ask yourself this and be honest: Is it really all him? Why did you marry him in the first place? What was he like before you got married? Maybe you two should sit down and have a long discussion with each other about what both of you are feeling and get to know one another again. Good luck!

This is called spousal abuse! Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Is this how you want your kids growing up to think it's alright to treat a person this way? To be in a situation like yours is just disfunctional for everybody involved. I feel you deserve respect and your children need see/know that people aren't treated in that way. I know you have three children and probably trying to work this out for the kids. The most important thing to remember is that behaviours are learned and it's sad to know that your children are learning these types of behaviours. It's important for you to maybe speak to someone who can help you with your situations with options and choices. Have everything laid out on the table to help yourself in your situation. Life is too short to be living in your situation. There is help out there for you.

Good Luck
Donna

Have you ever heard of ALANON? It is for people who have grown up in "broken" homes with alcoholics, drug useres, rageaholics, etc. My mom has been going to these meetings for about 1 1/2 years now (she started after my father began AA), and it has really helped her with all of the problems that she has today from growing up in an abusive situation. They teach her how to control her anger and deal with conflicts in a more positive way. She can talk about her childhood and things that have gone on in her marriage as well. You should think about going to these meetings, they are free and they really help to give you peace of mind.

im sorry but that looks a little too long to read, lol.. im patient.. but not that patient.. bored, but not the bored.. haha.. newayz.. my suggestion is to hit it up with some CHURCH. :]

oh boy thats a lot of text to read