Should I just forget about my college friends?

What do I do
This mess started when I was 17 and I started to fix my life when I was 19. Now I am 20 years old just to give you an idea of how rescent or not rescent this has
been or is. In order for you to be able to give good advise please make sure...

to read the detials before you email me back. I had problems with my parents to begin with. I was and am very very soft hearted so it was very easy for anyone exspecially my parents to hurt my feelings. I have been called slightly empathic at times, and I feel for everyone so that makes it worse. my parent treated my sister pretty badly and at first I was treated well because I was born early and some small birth defects that I grew out of. I couldnt talk or hear as a baby but grew out of it by 4. Anyway there was always screaming and fighting and I didnt like it so when I was in high school I stayed at school as much as possible. I was a goody 2 shoes. I had a 4.0 and was in 13 different extra curriculars and was in leadership positions in 9 of those. I had a fearful respect of my father it seemed everytime I saw him he was whipping me, even though im sure that is exagerated in my mind. Other than that I guess that was normal. Everyone has there problems with there parents. However you may need a little specific background to be able to understand where the difference is. My sister, who is a yr and a half older than me got involved with a gang and drugs at the age of 14, and got out when she was 16. I was forced by my parents to go to a party with her as a spy when I was17 and she was 18. Her boyfriend was there and she got drunk with him. I sat on the couch the whole time, exept to use the bathroom and when Josh (the boy holding the party) got a phone call from his mom and we all left the house drunk driving and all. We came back half an hour later. Well, before we left there was a guy named Basye (that just happened to be a first responder) that stopped by to get his remote to a video game he had left the day before and leave.However, when he realized what was going on and broke up a fight and such he decided to stay, but didnt drink.I was impressed but I was still scared of him and didnt say anything to him. when I went to the bathroom Josh followed and jimmyed the lock he attempted to rape me but Basye knocked the door down to get me out. At the time I had a broken wrist( I have weak wriste) from ROTC and my sister got mad at me when I asked her to leave and rebroke it. Finally we left, but not before Basye gave me his number. We got home and my dad sent my sister to bed and spent 2 hrs yelling at me. I was the one that got a whipping and I was "grounded for life". my dad wouldnt let me go anywhere not even track meets and such. My sister got no punishment and no one even asked how it went or knew about what Josh had done exept for my sister. Anyway 2 wks later I sneaked the phone and called basye and had him and 12 other guys come down to visit the next weekend, just to prove to my dad that I wasnt going down without a fight. I got a whipping for it but was allowed to leave the house again. Then close to Halloween my sister was talking to Josh on the phone and told him I liked him I thought just to be mean but I found out later she was to drunk at the parter to remember anything; well I hit her. and my dad went to whipping her and I knew I was next well I happened to be in my halloween costume and didnt want it messed up so I ran upstairs to change. I had 2 friends over at the time Nikki, and Crystal. my dad came in while I was pulling the dress over my head pulled me into his room closed the door and whipped me. I was naked and the belt broke so he was whipping me with the belt buckle which brought the blood and caused my back to swell. then he took me back to my room and whipped me agian for being in his room (we werent allowed in our parents room) infront of my friends. So I liad on the bed crying naked and my friends were trying to comfort me. Then my dad yelled up the stiars for me to come and do the dishes I quickly got up and tried to put clothes on but he yelled now or I was going to get another whipping so I went down naked and did the dishes infront of my brothers and all until mom saw me and made me go put clothes on. Anyway that is where the trouble began. I went to school and Nikki had told Tiegh-Jae what she saw and Tiegh-Jae's parents were bad to her to so she started to lean on me and talk to me about it. well at the time I was still upset at my parents so I went with it and before I knew it Tiegh-Jae told Michelle, Michelle told Meagan, Meagan told Stephani and so on and so on until I had all kinds of abused high schoolers coming to me about it. So I helped my friends, but I lied to about and to my parents to do so. I had started dating Basye around that time which I also lied to. It was the same lies I couldnt not tell him the anything but the lies because he hung out with a lot of the same friends. That is when things went really bad I wanted to get out of my parents house everyone knew that even my parents, and Basye told me he could get me out of the house. I took him up on the offer.He arranged for me to stay with a family from the church he went to. So I stayed with the Wiess family. I was really scared of my dad at this point I was scared of what he would do if he caught me now that I had left home on bad terms, and what makes it worse is I really didnt have any particular reason why I was scared of him. My parents knew that I wanted to leave home and told me when I was ready to go they would help me pack. Anyway the point is I was sorta scared of my dad and Basye kept telling me he wanted to put a protective order against my dad and giving different sinarios and scaring me worse. I refused and told him I didnt want to. Then at an award cerimony at the high school while I was getting ready to leave it appeared that my dad was chasing me so I ran and left and agreed to put a TPO out on my dad. I later found out that what really happened there is my little brother was chasing me through the crowd and was to short for me to see and my dad was chasing my brother which was only like 8 at the time. So I left home and put a TPO out against my dad. The next semester I started college. Being the over achiever that I was I was working out and stuff a whole lot and had allot of fun with it then I had a problem with my intestines and went to the ER they told me it was a stomach virus and sent me on my way well what had happened was I was on mediciad and the doctor didnt want to treat me so he didnt. Well while going to school for my EMT I was doing Clinicals and met a doctor that noticed I was in pian and said that he would treat me well my mediciad had ran out so I couldnt pay so he said he would look at me under the table after he got to know me and had heard my pitty story about my parents I just wasnt suppose to tell anyone, and I called hime doctor nasty I dont remember his real name, but he had the nickname Dr. Nasty because if the ER got a real bad off patient he was the one to work on them. Anyway until I healed I had to lay off of the exersise so I had to find other things to do with my time so I met new friends and told them about my parents to keep the story striaght, since I figured they would meet the Weiss family at one point or another. got to know the Weiss family me and there daughter Mindi became good friends but she got raped and I couldnt deal with her talking about it and couldnt stand to tell her not too so I found myself staying away from there more and more. but I needed an excuse and couldnt find one. well with her clingyness was my answer most of my college friends had seen me and mindi together and most of them thought that she was gay to begin with so I went with she was gay and all kinds of things to keep from having to go back and feel that. Well me and my friends would go to the mall and hang out a lot and my boyfriend would call and yell a lot and it would upset me a lot. He was really jelous and such and became very critical. Well he had sort of became emotionally abusive and used the leverage of if I didnt do what he said I would be on the street and such so finally broke up with him. I was then on the street and going to college, I told the group at one point that my parents were dead in order to aviod questioning but I eventually told them they werent and appologized. I was living in my car at this time and ended up dateing a couple other guys but one was just way to fast and I was afraid of the samething that happened with Basye happening again and the second was a guy that told me he was going to commit suicide if I didnt and since when I was in high school I had a guy commit suicide over me I dated him until his ex- had his baby then told him to live for the baby and as far as I no he is. Then I swore off dating worked 3 jobs and went to school full time, I met the guy that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and became friends with him. Then with all the stuff to do I fell asleep behind the wheel and caused an accident luckily noone was hurt but my car was gone. After that I started dating Justin not to get anything from him I honestly felt like I loved him and still love him, but I couldnt tell the truth because I was afraid he would leave. Then I really messed up hitting rock bottom and not knowing what else to do I made contact with my parents and started living 2 lives at that point what I should have done is came clean then and lived at home but I still had resentment for my parents so I told my parents the truth and they gave me a car and I lived a lie else where. I still lived in my car but Justin got me a job where he worked. So I started working at the flying J and dating Justin I got a little appartment that Justin had shown me where it was and Justin later became my Fiea'nce. Justin's dad knew I was lieing and called my parents then my mom and dad felt betrayed and Justin left in the same day. Justin wouldnt even talk to me on the phone his dad told me it was over and Justin quit his job because of me I felt horrible as you could guess and I considered this my wake up call. the lies were ruining my life yeah me and my parents had problems but not worth the love of my life or any of the other reprecutions I have come to feel. So I realized how messed up I was and went back to my parents house apologized. and called into work the next day due to being to tired and staying up with my parents all night long and trying to make the whole thing make since through there eyes. My boss knowing what was going on told me that if I didnt come in dont bother ever coming in again. I told my parents that I didnt remember things and thought I was mentaly ill in order to convince them to let me stay there for a while, eventhough in reality it did and do, but needed them to let me stay there if I am ever to build any type of relationship back with them. So I moved in with my parents and quit my job. Then I took a semester off of college in order to be closer to my family and engage as much as I can in family activity. I've told my mom and dad everything but they will not listen because they refuse to face the facts that the things in the beginning of the letter happened and my sister will admit it happened but not infront of my parents because she is now treated better than me and likes it that way. Eventhough I was out of college for a semester I still made a trip to the college weekly so that I could prove to my college friends that I had changed since I had told them the truth. I asked everyone when I told them the truth if we could be friends and work through this they said yes. I was happy for a while. I started back to college this semester I got a job close at a nusing home as a CNA and was staying with J-John until I could afford my own place. Then I got hurt of the job and had to leave because I was not capable of either paying half of the rent or cleaning the appartment. I'm sure J-John would probably have let me still stay there but I felt bad almost guilty like over just the thought. And between the time between my realization and now; I have gotten a new boyfriend, but we already have problems, see I made a promise to Justin and I think eventhough I realize we will never be together I have a hard time letting go and my current boyfriend Sammy says he is tired of being compared to Justin. Plus I lost my virginity to Justin and Sammy cant understand why I wont give him any. Now I'm staying with Sammy and I guess I feel sorta guilty for staying with him to, and at first I justified that with the idea of well I have to make to to school and since the doctor says nothing is wrong with me when even the MRI says that there is so im not geting any pay how else am I suppose to go to college but in the last couple of weeks I have been forced to do a hardship withdraw because with my injury I couldnt finish my test in time and what I didnt finish was counted as wrong. So now what justification do I have. I have to face the fact that the reason I'm staying with him and not my parents at this point is because for some reason I'm still scared of my parents and I have told them so. And after living 6 or 7 mths finding myself having to prove everything that I siad or did; I found out my friends at college are saying bad things behind my back about me. I talked to my college friends about it and I told them if they have a problem with me come to me and I would do what is nesacary to prove to them what I was saying was the truth. However my college friends continued to talk behind my back and say things when I wasnt there not asking for proof and prejudging what I said without asking questions or even letting me know that they questioned what I was saying. That isnt even to mention the physical side effects like weight gain and reactions to meds the doctors have put me on I have been having. So now that you know the past the current situation is now I have no one exept for my boyfriend to talk to and he doesnt uderstand and doesnt want to talk about it, I have a pending law suit and almost complete lose of the use of my shoulder. I have to face what I did everyday. I feel alone, worthless,used, and hopless, I'm having to depend on others for everything and am at wits end.

what should I do?

Should I move on and just forget about my college friends and get new friends eventhough I dont really want to?

Should I stay with my parents, eventhough I know that they would scream at me all the time and add more drama and stress to my life?

Should I just forget about everything crawl in a little hole and wiat for death eventhough I know that is not like my spirit?

What should I do?

Would you mind putting your question into paragraphs, I was about halfway down and started to get dizzy! Thanks!

omg your story is so touching and I am so freaking impressed with your courage you are so strong and really an inspiration. its hard to tell someone you look up to what to do but my opinion is that you shouldnt move back in with your parents and if I were you I would call up Justin and try to work things out obviously you are still in love with him and unless you think that you can just forget about him then you shouldnt give up. you still have a chance to make your life better just seize every oppurtunity to get what you think will make you happy. if anyone deserves to be happy its you I dont see why everyone is crucifying you when you are clearly just a victim but if I knew you I would be proud to call you my friend.
Yours,
Alex

Wow, you have been through a lot! I definately think you should find a way to finish college, maybe get a roomate, student loans, whatever it takes! You need to regain the motivation that has kept you going through all of the drama! Maybe you should even try to go to a different college for a fresh start. If your boyfriend now doesn't understand you and everything you've been through and doesn't want to help you and pressures you, then maybe it is time to let him go? You need to go to a counselor, maybe even one from your high school and talk to them about the things that have happened to you, they are not only there to help you schedule classes, they are called counselors for a reason, and if you were so involved in school, I don't think they should have a problem with you wanting to talk to someone there. Just get some kind of help to give you some sort of peace of mind about everything. You are still young, don't ever feel like you are broken and used from all of this... it just made you a stronger person today! I hope you get you life back together and everything works out for you! Good luck!

How can you be 20 years old if your birthday is November 28, 1994. This is 2008 not November 28, 2014!!!