I'm AJ, I'm 23 and lovin it.... I like to go drinkin, I attend college so I do a whole lotta drinkin... lol. Anyway I'm quite content with who I am so if you don't like then that would totally be your problem. I'm outgoing, I try to be as honest as I can, like anyone....

I lay in the shadows motionless and completely still
I'm tense, wating patiently for the day until
You wake up and realize what you have right in front of you
I've told you, shown you, embraced your body, what else should I do
I've laid next to you, whispered silently into your ear
I told you that moment how I felt just loud enough for you to hear
Now you know what I feel and the choice is entirely in your fate
You've made huge choices recently and I'm not part of them, is it too late
I truely hope their is a way to mend this broken destiny
Our lives were intertwined, everything we did together, now I'm left feeling like your enemy
Like someone that you chose to up and run away from
You even knew that you had my heart beneath your thumb
But yet you choose to run away from someone who really cares about you
I care about you, your life, everything around you, my love I only wish you knew
Now again, I'm left in the cold, desolate, dimming light
Unsure if I even have enough strength left to put up a fight
But when I think about the life that we could come to know and share
I can feel my muscles growing courage and strength like nothing before could compare
I'd lay my life aside and put my arms up and call out to you
Will she hear me, is the distance too far, answers I wish I knew
But regardless of knowing if you will answer the call or not
Their will always be a place that no one will ever fill for you in my heart

Secrets

I’ve let you control me and mold me into what you thought was real
Now that the past has taken place, now I know what you wanted me to feel
Guess what…. I did, I felt just the way that you do now
You ask me everyday how I just up and left everything fall down
The only thing I can tell you was maybe it was leaving me once for someone else
Or it possibly could’ve been when you left me in the hospital by myself
Wait, I know, it was when I was in the hospital and you were fucking your ex
Then a month later I found out from a friend that you considered your best
Still I after that I took you back wanting to make everything work
But yet again another lesson learned, you left me again and said you were for sure
Now… together again we are, and everything in your eyes has changed
You’ve taken all the bullsh*t in your life and things you took the time to rearrange
But now it’s funny, I just can’t seem to find the love that I once had for you
I try, everyday, I swear I’m not acting this way cause it’s what I want to do
I want to love you like I did before
But I can’t seem to get that feeling back, everyday I try more and more
But it’s getting to the point where I’m not so sure it’s even worth it
You say you’re getting your life together, but for two months now I sit
And you keep pushing yourself to do nothing, what more can I do
I keep searching for the energy I once had to push you
But how can I want to help someone that doesn’t even want to help themselves
It takes took to get a love from the past off the top shelf

Why can’t you see what you have
What makes you think that I’ll be here forever
Where did all this go so bad
Why can’t these feelings seem to sever
What is it you thought I had
Where is it hidden, and how are you so clever

The things I say now are thoughts that I know I’ll never be able to tell you
I wish I could, you deserve to know what I really want to do
I just think that things would be better off between us as friends
And I can guarantee you that you won’t let this end
One for the sex, two for money, and three for me
What’s sad is that’s where I feel I stand that’s what I believe
I wish that I felt that you wanted me for more than just material things
I loved you soo much at one time I went and bought you that ring
Do you remember? Is the image still fresh in your mind
That one day, I got on my knee and asked forever will you be mine
You said yes and three weeks later left me for someone else
All the things I constantly can’t get out of my head
You know I loved you and I would do anything for you
But your release you must let go, that’s all I ask you do
I want to move on and make a fresh life for me
Cause I love you, but I’m tired of pushing you why can’t you see

Why can’t you see what you have
What makes you think that I’ll be here forever
Where did all this go so bad
Why can’t these feelings seem to sever
What is it you thought I had
Where is it hidden, and how are you so clever

You know how I feel you know my heart
You know you’ve had it from the very start
But it seems that we lost track of our destiny
We’ve been dazing in and out of a fantasy
Now it’s soon to be over and what will you do
You’ll live with your mother
Let her take from you and stay under cover
Let the whole world continuously pass you by
While you back day after day and just get high

Why can’t you see what you have
What makes you think that I’ll be here forever
Where did all this go so bad
Why can’t these feelings seem to sever
What is it you thought I had
Where is it hidden, and how are you so clever